Friday, April 29, 2005
i need a job!
i need a job!!!! for my age the only thing i can do is either a salesperson or fast food
i wanna work in a boutique with nice clothes... i need the money!!!!
my mommy is complaining that i spend too much where like half the time i dun... haiz i want nice clothes nice shoes go for movies often...
haiz maybe i should work and study during this june holz. maybe i should just forget the first three months and go work... i seriously need the money!!!
maybe i'll work get my own money and stay in the school hostel if i get into ACJC. but studying and working is quite tiring. but i think if this goes own... i'll never be able to finish my education.
i SERIOUSLY can't NO WAY study at home... i CAN'T EVEN GET ALONG WITH MY FAMILY!
shit man what to do?
i need a job!
any job offers?
7:40 PM
Sunday, April 24, 2005
never let anyone know
i have never shown the soft side of me to my family... cause its just weird... i'm not emotionally close to them... its just weird for me to actually cry in front of them.
9:04 PM
only if i could share his pain with him
during dinner i sent him a long message... trying to reassure and make him think positive.
during the car ride looking at his face... i didn'twant to talk to him... if i did he would have flared up and punched me in the face...
i know that he did want to go back to that place... i can see that he dreads going back there... i think the whole weekend he was trying his best to go around spend time with friends relax before he returned to that place.
after sending that message feelings were begining to stir up in me... i could feel tears forming in the brim of my eye. if i were to give my eyelids a little squeeze... my tears would just flow out... i was quiet at the table... seeing my father's face all black... i knew i had to shut up...
walking from the hawker centreto the car...i could no longer hold my tears back...
drop after drop my tears began to flow slowly... my nose became runny...i hold my tears again
*holding my tears till i could not longer do so, i teared sliently in the backseat.hoping no one saw it*
seeing him hate that place so much and feeling so fucked that he had to return to it... i wish i could share it with him... i hope he doesn't go into depression...
him and i always had a problem with a restrictive lifestyle, authorities.
i will never understand how he feels as i have never gone thru it and have no right to tell him to take it easy and think positive as it is easier said that done... but i would never have the strength to go thru what he is for a week.
HOPING THE HE'LL BE ABLE TO PHYSCO THE POSITIVENESS IN HIM AND TRY TO GET ON WITH IT.
8:14 PM
