Saturday, September 09, 2006
i don't know how to describe my life now
okay... i feel kinda numb now. i mean i feel zombie-ish.
i really fear i suck at my promos (which is in 3 weeks time). i mean i look at the amount of time spent studying as compared to my classmates, i'm talking a stroll in the park. i know its not the quantity of time spent studying but the quality as to how much you understand what i'm studying. i just have this fear. i always pace myself to something, it gives me a sort of goal and structure to achieve it.
hmm... plus... i did better than most of my classmates during the mids, i give myself some sort of pressure that i have to perform. its all about the ego and face thing. *sigh* yes, i love to protect my ego like a man.
i seriously need tuition next year! i mean i can cope with my current work load but i want exposure to like students from other schools and also their test papers. cause doing well in TP does not confirm good grades at A levels. sadly. TP has quite a good record of producing not so good a levels results. academically, i think i kinda made the wrong choice going to tp. welll, its a choice i've made i have to live with it for one year and 3 more months.
for me JC life is not something i cherish. i mean it sucks. or maybe i'm just unlucky that the people i know are not my type of people. *sigh*
i love being in a girls school. guys can be such brainless and irritatting creatures.
i'm starting to question my sexuality. i think i may one day love a girl. i mean i can picture myself with one. i mean picturing is the first step isn't it? no worries i'll not date any girl that is in my life now. i love you all as friends and great buddies:) but than again i still love gushing over unrealistic guys. HAHA.
in the past i found it easier to get close to a guy cause most are not manipulative bitches. but i'm distancing myself and find it easier to get to know girls but at times i still cannot stand girls and our habits.
I NEED TO FOCUS ON WHAT IS IMPORTANT NOW. GRADES.
8:05 PM
ulcers
WHY DO I KEEP BITTING ON MY LIP BY MISTAKE?
OOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUCH.
to donna: hey i received the book you got for me today from jean. thanks:) i'll read it soon.
6:21 AM
