Wednesday, February 21, 2007
i hate the way i' feeling abut life right now.
okay, chinese new year hasn't been exceptionally fun this year, i'm feeling empty and bored everyday. i can't seem to sleep at night but when i do sleep i end up waking up in the early afternoon. my life is so screwed up.
I HAVE NO LIFE.
i'm extremely bored by my current life regime, i have got no excitement in my life. the last time i hung out with friends was on valentines but that seem months ago.
shit i hate the way life is going for me. i'm gonna go mad!
i feel like i don't have anyone to really have a real conversation with and i'm so introverted now. but then again i have a more extroverted front in school now. but with myself i feel introverted. is that even possible?
i'm starting to FREAK OUT about the a levels right now. i wanna quit school. i'm not having some low self esteem moment here but i feel stupid, i think i am stupid. i recently realised i hate studying but i like doing stuff. i mean i like moving. maybe if i was born in another country i would have pursued dance as a career i think i would have liked that very much.
now that i've quit my cca i am SO DARN FREE. will getting myself a boyfriend take up my excessive free time? but then there's no one worthy in my life right now, at least that's no one i know that i view in a relationship manner. i have a couple of infactuations and eye candies but that's it.
anyway, WHY IS SO MANY PEOPLE GETTING ATTACHED NOW? i mean in jc. why the surge of raging hormones. anyway i think having a relationship now is relatively unstable and quite broing. there aren't much couple stuff to do. i mean having someone to love you have the occasional fights living a sweet yet loving life is nice right.
haiz, i'm destined to be single.
earlier in the day, my classmates and i were talking about having sex, not together but just our thoughts about sex. a couple of girls i know have done it and are still doing it regularly which is totally fine with me cause its their body and i'm in no position to judge. for me i mean having sex with one men is great if he's darn good at it and if i married my first boyfriend. if not, i don't mind having it with random guys but the thing is my first time my be with someone special. i know it sounds cheesy but its true its like a once in a lifetime thing. after the first few times i think i don;t really care. sex might just be... sex. but then again the thought of having sex with only one guy is kinda boring. i mean its only experiencing only one style when there are millions out there. if i'm crazy enough and still single in my thirities i dun mind hiring male social escorts. haha. why do girls have to bother about so many stuff guys just do it without much thought. i might just have it in uni or something with a good guy friend (friends with benefits) and just get over and done with the whole first time thing. or maybe i should do it with a girl. that would be interesting. haha. i'm keeping my options open. if only real life sex is as romantic, hot and intimate as those you see in romance movies and read in books. kisses be as tantalising. i know why girls like to read romance novels and watch romance movies cause there isn't enough love in the air i mean real, simple yet powerful love with no strings attached. its a way to indulge in the world of romance, intimacy and fantasy.
okay people reading now may think i'm mad. haha.
bye:)
5:41 AM
