Sunday, June 10, 2007
i'm weird
its 1.30 am and i have no intentions to go to bed soon. i've been rather moody lately. yesterday i seem to detest everything around me i was so pissed off, annoyed but everything animate or inanimate. i spent more of my day sulking, insulting and sleeping. today i woke up feeling much better and went out with my family. all i can say today was a good day, i really enjoyed myself. its one of those times my mum and i don't quarrel. i tired one a couple of stuff my mum picked out and looked good. my mum still has a eye for fashion even though she dun really dress that way. hahha.
another update would be i discovered that i really like reading novels. been reading danielle steel alot. her book are nice cause they're mainly romance novels. i like to get lost in the romance novel books cause it seems so fairy tale. her books are subtle not too dramatic. with my screwed up hormonal and stress levels i cannot take drama now. but then again without the drama her books might seem boring to me when i'm not stressed. i've been like completing books in a day or two. i didn't know i could be so engrossed in books. its so unlike me. but books are nice. dramas are nice too. i allows me to day dream and picture myself somewhere more amusing. i keeps me sane. hahah.
oh by the way, i was thinking i would not fall in love anytime soon. i was thinking it would be nice to concentrate on me my life and my family. probably i'll fall in love when i'm 40 with probably a guy around that age or older. that seems nice. i mean relationships would probably be more stable, lasting and realistic since with age people generally mature mentally and emotionally. i mean to be with someone now it would probably be amatuer puppy love that is unrealistically going to all circumstances. and in the end people get hurt, time is wasted and lives get screwed up. i think its a safer bet to wait. i mean i wanna enjoy being young and doing all the crazy stuff without having to answer to anyone but myself. i wanna be able to do everything my way and not comprise cause things are easy that way. the thing is now i dun really see the need for love. i feel perfectly fine being single. seeing couples does not make me want what they have. and i might probably say this cause i've never been with anyone but now i dun see a point too. i mean being emotionally attached means a pending heartbreak when he hurts you. so why take the chance when you know its gonna come. at least for now when i know i'm not very desperate for love, i won't just date a someone cause he's physically attractive but i want something more. what's with putting so much effort into trying to make or force a relationship to work when its not menat to be in the first place? and go through all the disagreements in between.
maybe i'll just not get married at all or fall in love for that matter. what is love btw? how great can it be if you have to fall for it and not like fly for it. i mean divorce is so common these days so why get married when you're gonna get divorced. i really dislike divorce. i'm okay with it but i dunno why people go through it. i mean you said your vows and pledged u're love and claim to be madly and truly in love when getting married. so divorce is a slap in the face saying u have made bad judgement and chose the wrong guy. it sounds kinda conservative but i think love is a lifetime thing its like inviting a stranger to be permernant in ur life, for him to be family, best friend and lover. i dun mind having not strings attached flings, but when it comes to long term reltionships i think i'm dead serious. haha i guess this is very unlike me. but i think its a thought i very much like to represent who i am.
i guess i'm getting all soulful talk at this hour. night. gotta get up in the morning for breakfast with the family. it still feels kinda empty without my brother.
10:26 AM
