scrEwEd-Up lArdbAll

ah!!!

2007-09-25T05:19:00.000-07:00

MY BOOBS ARE SHRINKING! ITS LIKE THE NORTH POLE MELTING! AH! i'll be flooded with remorse like how the rising sea levels are threatening coastal regions.

my motivation

2007-09-10T01:51:00.000-07:00

not blogging for quite a while has made me forgot my username and password for this account. haha. but by the looks of things i've gotten them right:)

anyways i'm up now cause i'm revising for chemistry. i've been rather complacent with my revision for it cause i have a certain flair for it which seems to be fading as seen from my recent topical tests. studying for the alevels would be a test on my determination. motivation and mental capacity. i really wanna succeed cause this amount of pain i suffer would be far less than the ones i will experience in the future if i were to perform badly. besides all these staying have made be think about my priorities for studying. primarily its for myself. secondary, i would like to provide my parents a comfortable lifestyle when they retire and i want them to retire early. i want to be able to give them the opportunity to relax, travel and truly enjoy life. hopefully i'll do well enough so i could also support my younger sister's education, lessening my parents' finanical burden. i have the ability to achieve what i want as long as i'm set at doing it. nothing comes easy and i have to work at it. my brother has his dreams and he pulled through now its my turn. i wanna do so well that my parents are proud of me. besides i wanna make all that money spent on tuition worth. for myself and my family, i will work.

night

my hopes and dreams

2007-07-28T06:14:00.000-07:00

i know i haven't updated in a very long time but there's nothing much to talk about in my life anyways. went for the scholar's choice exhibition today got some info on nus law faculty and i dun think i can ever qualify for it. its nuts. i mean i don't think i'm ever up to that standard.i gotta work super hard form now on. get into nus law and then masters at nyu, no other option!

lalal

2007-06-17T06:00:00.000-07:00

i llove looking and tring on dresses!!! i wish i have all the money in the world to buy beautiful clothes. for now i;m poor. roberto cavalli! robinsons! marc jacobs! river island! topshop! dorothy perkins!

i wanna be skinny! and taller!!!

i'm weird

2007-06-10T10:26:00.000-07:00

its 1.30 am and i have no intentions to go to bed soon. i've been rather moody lately. yesterday i seem to detest everything around me i was so pissed off, annoyed but everything animate or inanimate. i spent more of my day sulking, insulting and sleeping. today i woke up feeling much better and went out with my family. all i can say today was a good day, i really enjoyed myself. its one of those times my mum and i don't quarrel. i tired one a couple of stuff my mum picked out and looked good. my mum still has a eye for fashion even though she dun really dress that way. hahha.

another update would be i discovered that i really like reading novels. been reading danielle steel alot. her book are nice cause they're mainly romance novels. i like to get lost in the romance novel books cause it seems so fairy tale. her books are subtle not too dramatic. with my screwed up hormonal and stress levels i cannot take drama now. but then again without the drama her books might seem boring to me when i'm not stressed. i've been like completing books in a day or two. i didn't know i could be so engrossed in books. its so unlike me. but books are nice. dramas are nice too. i allows me to day dream and picture myself somewhere more amusing. i keeps me sane. hahah.

oh by the way, i was thinking i would not fall in love anytime soon. i was thinking it would be nice to concentrate on me my life and my family. probably i'll fall in love when i'm 40 with probably a guy around that age or older. that seems nice. i mean relationships would probably be more stable, lasting and realistic since with age people generally mature mentally and emotionally. i mean to be with someone now it would probably be amatuer puppy love that is unrealistically going to all circumstances. and in the end people get hurt, time is wasted and lives get screwed up. i think its a safer bet to wait. i mean i wanna enjoy being young and doing all the crazy stuff without having to answer to anyone but myself. i wanna be able to do everything my way and not comprise cause things are easy that way. the thing is now i dun really see the need for love. i feel perfectly fine being single. seeing couples does not make me want what they have. and i might probably say this cause i've never been with anyone but now i dun see a point too. i mean being emotionally attached means a pending heartbreak when he hurts you. so why take the chance when you know its gonna come. at least for now when i know i'm not very desperate for love, i won't just date a someone cause he's physically attractive but i want something more. what's with putting so much effort into trying to make or force a relationship to work when its not menat to be in the first place? and go through all the disagreements in between.

maybe i'll just not get married at all or fall in love for that matter. what is love btw? how great can it be if you have to fall for it and not like fly for it. i mean divorce is so common these days so why get married when you're gonna get divorced. i really dislike divorce. i'm okay with it but i dunno why people go through it. i mean you said your vows and pledged u're love and claim to be madly and truly in love when getting married. so divorce is a slap in the face saying u have made bad judgement and chose the wrong guy. it sounds kinda conservative but i think love is a lifetime thing its like inviting a stranger to be permernant in ur life, for him to be family, best friend and lover. i dun mind having not strings attached flings, but when it comes to long term reltionships i think i'm dead serious. haha i guess this is very unlike me. but i think its a thought i very much like to represent who i am.

i guess i'm getting all soulful talk at this hour. night. gotta get up in the morning for breakfast with the family. it still feels kinda empty without my brother.

i'm a drama addict!!!

2007-05-30T06:25:00.000-07:00

first i wanna say... MY BOOBS ARE SHRINKING!!! sucks. and running really doesn't help in tonning the inner thighs. my legs are getting thicker. fuck! shit i need plastic help.

okay now i'm like addicted to one tree hill. watching season 3 online. hahah. omg good memories how i was so into it last time. sometimes i had more events in my life. i wish it could be more interesting. my life a drama. hahha.

anyway now i'm in the loner, cranky, drama addict, home-girl person. i want to do nothing but watch dramas after dramas.

i like emo songs too. i dunno what kinda song is considered emo but the music featured on oth is quite good. like slow rock with nice guitar and drum beats and meaningful lyrics. omg i'm into tho kinda songs now. haiz. its kinda freaky to witness how i changed so far. i'm on the road to slef discovery for an identity i would like to portray and like being.

random

2007-05-29T03:55:00.000-07:00

hahah. lalala. i wanna be a club deejay, surgeon, banker, DANCER!, banker, lawyer, gymnast, surfer.

dilemma

2007-05-28T05:20:00.000-07:00

hey guys, the past few days i've been watching grey's anatomy non stop haha. just completed season 1 through 3. its a great show. it way better than one tree hill, the oc and ugly betty and even heroes. shit now i'm at a loss on what i should do. there aren't any other dramas left for me to watch other than prison break. i could always get other drams but then i would be so engrossed in it i will neglect my school work. ah i hate exams BUT i love excelling in exams.
anyway i love reading narative books and dramas cause i like to picture plots in my mind and wonder how cool it would be if my life was like that. I'M A DREAMER. i mean books despite it being a couple of hundred pages, its so darn amusing and exciting. i love books or dramas with action, complicated romance triangle or some other multiple sided shape, amusing jobs... no boring stuff for me cause if i wanted something boring i could just stand in front of the mirror, no difference.
maybe i should be a surgeon. i like biology, i'm fine with cutting stuff up. it would be kinda cool holding a heart. i guess it would be rewarding too... saving lives.
anyways i was talking to my sis earlier about what she would like do to after school and she has no idea, she was considering teaching but she has no clue. unlike her i know what i wanna do but like i'm a dreamer i don't ever work hard i have never worked hard in my life. i've never pushed myself to the breaking point, that's why i think i may be stuck dreaming about my picture perfect future. my brother he's a dreamer and doer. i really need to kick mysel in the butt and get myself going. i guess i underestimate myself many times, i keep telling myself i;m not smart enough not capable enough to do stuff. mayeb its time to shut the pessimistic side of me and work hard. i mean in life opportunities come and go and they are very limited. so i guess i have to work. i want a life where i have a sucessful carrier, great friend, nice life for my family, everyone;s happy, i get to sleep with loads of cute guys and to do that i'll be slimmer and hotter( working on that now , but food in tempting and exercise is a chore). HAHA. i mean like having sex with one guy my whole life would kinda suck. i mean i'll be missing out on those one night stand with random guys i meet in my twenties and thrities right? i don't think i'll sleep around after forty cause by then it will be so sluttish and childish.

ah shit can i need help to succeed! Dr. Fong, how does that sound? i'm not giving up my corporate lawyer dream either. hmmm i doubt myself, am i intelligent enough to hold such jobs? even if i make up what i lack in innate talent with diligence will it work?

life style of the rich

2007-05-19T03:55:00.000-07:00

hey guys i know i've been mia a long time, just didn't know what to blog about.

anyways been caught up with school, dramas and my wondering mind. today my dad was just driving from bukit timah to near orchard and omg the houses are freaking large and nice its like the true rich man area man. i like the overall feel of the place. i mean there are very little high rise, alot of shophouses with food and lush greenary. sometimes i really wish i could be born into such a fiscally sound family, i mean then money would not be an issue. with money comes many life opportunities and in some sense happiness. it really sucks to think that i may not be able to live that kinda life.

i'm now thinking how can i be a multi millionaire by 30 or 35. i know with my intelligence level its kinda difficult to excel in studies. so how man shit. i really wanna be rich i mean life of a rich person is so carefree. fiscal problems are one big dilema in life along with stress from work, family and health. but i mena to have one less trouble isn't it much better?

so i'm poor fat ugly and stupid. what other ugly words can i use for self introduction?

i feel demoralised accepting the most probable path of my future. i seek solace in fried food which sucks as it will make me bothered about my weight and i'll be more unhappy. i really need an addiction. like exercise addiction to get my mind of thinking such dumb stuff.

i'm one troubled bitch.

hey guys

2007-04-11T04:35:00.000-07:00

to kath: i mentioned about his name on a post sometime last month go check it.

anyway school is damn hectic now i can feel the stress and the pressure to out do my competition cause i detest losing when i put in the effort to work. i have tests, big or small, every week and to detress i always have horny talks with my classmates. we'll all come up with the lamest stuff. laughter is a great medicine. i wanna go clubbing one of these days though. probably during the june holidays in ladies night, free enterance and drinks. hahha. i want to dance crazly and creafreely half drunk to loud thumping music!!!

anyways again i'm friendster surfing and i found a couple of hot picture of matthew, my sec 2,3 eye candy!!! i think its some model photoshootish kinda thing with some girl from my school. if i'm not wrong they live in the same condo and know each other for a damn long time. i;m not a stalker but i;ve seen pictures of her before on his account in sec 3.

tired

2007-04-04T07:51:00.000-07:00

just got home from chemistry tuition and my verdict is that i'll try to swap classes. today's teacher is so much better at teaching and making me understand.

anyway i spent my afternoon reading the newest issue of newsweek and a section of it is about religion. it concerns christianity and atheism. its a long article and at the end of it the pastor makes a very valid point. at the end of the day if god doesn't exist he has got nothing to lose but if god does exist the atheist has got everything to lose. the article is really informative as it provides both viewpoints and the controveries in the beliefs of christianity and atheism.

moving on about my day, i was hanging around ps to wait for jiaying and guess what... i saw my friendster eye candy! i mean what are the odds. he was with his gf though both from rj. he's kinda cute in person seems like a nice person. gf's kinda short in comparison to him but she's gorgeous and sweet looking plus she's in rj so naturally intelligence is kinda an obvious trait. i was kinda stunned for a moment i was like he looks damn familiar. i didn't get a good look though cause we just walked passed each other but yeah that moment made my day and it shall be the highlight of 4th april 2007:)

a tribute to a bad haircut

2007-03-25T04:04:00.000-07:00

yet again my haircut is never what i picture it to be like. its darn irritating. now i have to wait for all the layers to grow out. wait i didn;t ask for much layering but that's what i got. can i just get my personal stylist. OMG THIS IS IRRITATING!

eunice's present.

2007-03-24T07:38:00.000-07:00

hey girls,, if you all haven;t notice we haven;t got eunice anything for her birthday plus we have tonnes of things we could get her cause she's been chanting them to me. anyway i think my blog is a good place to discuss cause she doesn't ever ever use the com. btw i doubt anyof you guys read my blog anymore. anyways i saw this really nice reddish maroon bag which isn't too big for her petite frame at robinsons today forty bucks only. plus we could also get her the patent heels she so desperately wants if u guys got more spare money. hahah. so update me k?

toodles:)

my life...

2007-03-22T05:15:00.000-07:00

you know what, i seem to like school more now cause its one of the fun things in my life right now with home feeling so empty. i think my class is bonding, i mean we can't help it cause we're so tiny but bonding is good.. bonding means laughter which is my favourite indulgement. but i still envy classes which are closer, classes which hang out, have activities and stuff. no worries my class will get there. for starters 10/12 people are going for prom:) I CAN'T WAIT FOR PROM which is about 8 months away whihc mean my a levels are about 7 months away. AH!!!! no even 2 months to study one subject. i'm screwed. i feel the pressure these days. i thik i'm stupid. like serious.

crap crap.

anyway girls, PLEASE DATE ME. anyone PLEASE DATE ME. we must do something fun sometime like got to the beach or do something. STAYOVER!!!!!! lets do spontaneous stuff. its fun.

anyway i think i'm going for kickboxing classes at either the hougang gym or tampines gym sometime soon. mummy gave me a green light if it is not too costly. finally i can punch and kick out my pent up anger. anyway i need more friends like extremely close friends. i wish we girls can be closer, we're kinda drfiting apart. i mena that's what i feel not sure about you guys though but yeah. i dun wanna be stucked in a mid life crisis in the futre without friends. AH! a horrible thought which i do want to entertain further.

till then i'm off:) muacks

I'M FUCKING BORED!

2007-03-12T23:59:00.000-07:00

i'm so shit bored today. i don't seem to wanna do anything. got up at 9am and now its 3 and i've not done anything else other than walking round the house using the com reading food labels to discourage myself from eating to cure my boredom. AH! i don;t even feel like studying. shit shit shit shit. i do not even feel like watching a movie!!!!!!!!! what's wrong with me today. anyway visit this website cutesyshoes.com the stuff not bad. anyway back to be being bored. AH!!!!!! shit shit shit i'm so sick with myself.

ah!

2007-03-08T07:00:00.000-08:00

omg hot stuff!!!!!! anyway now i'm likeing friendster surfing to relax cause of my hectic test schedule this week. anyway i saw this guy named john wisnioski. he's sexy. emma i think he's the guy who modelled for the zouk ac high life thingy the one topless onstage with the ex cedarian. omg hot hot. there's this picture of him in briefs and using the laptop. that's sexy. he's gorgeous and irresistable.

FAT!

2007-03-08T04:20:00.000-08:00

oh my shit i need to STOP eating and start running. lately i've been ponning pe, i quit my cca so there's no form of exercise for me. i'm becoming flabby. test test test and staying late in school it just make me wanna eat. the stuff i eat are so full of transfat and all the bad stuff AHHH!!!

this hols need to do something about my weight and the flabbiness.

he's still here:)

2007-03-03T07:36:00.000-08:00

now i've gotta make things right, finally i might just have some stability in my life.

chinese

2007-03-03T07:25:00.000-08:00

i got a C for chinese which i kinda expected and was so happy with it till i found out you girls got either As or Bs, i became satisfied with a C. anyway i expected a C cause i dun think i'm and A or B grade material person for chinese. also, i didn;t think i did well for the main written paper as my eye candy was sitting beside me during the paper a major distraction. anyway it turns out that i did badly for chinese was because i got a 'pass' grade for oral. there are three grades 'distinction', 'merit' or 'pass'. i can't belive i write better than i speak. and the thing is i didn;t study for chinese and i never ever bothered to. to me languages its all about the mood of writing. hahah.

can't wait for the holidays to go out shop, exercise and wake up late

questions

2007-02-25T05:50:00.000-08:00

an interesting chinese year year which left me feeling troubled.

i hate the way i' feeling abut life right now.

2007-02-21T05:41:00.001-08:00

okay, chinese new year hasn't been exceptionally fun this year, i'm feeling empty and bored everyday. i can't seem to sleep at night but when i do sleep i end up waking up in the early afternoon. my life is so screwed up.

I HAVE NO LIFE.

i'm extremely bored by my current life regime, i have got no excitement in my life. the last time i hung out with friends was on valentines but that seem months ago.

shit i hate the way life is going for me. i'm gonna go mad!

i feel like i don't have anyone to really have a real conversation with and i'm so introverted now. but then again i have a more extroverted front in school now. but with myself i feel introverted. is that even possible?

i'm starting to FREAK OUT about the a levels right now. i wanna quit school. i'm not having some low self esteem moment here but i feel stupid, i think i am stupid. i recently realised i hate studying but i like doing stuff. i mean i like moving. maybe if i was born in another country i would have pursued dance as a career i think i would have liked that very much.

now that i've quit my cca i am SO DARN FREE. will getting myself a boyfriend take up my excessive free time? but then there's no one worthy in my life right now, at least that's no one i know that i view in a relationship manner. i have a couple of infactuations and eye candies but that's it.

anyway, WHY IS SO MANY PEOPLE GETTING ATTACHED NOW? i mean in jc. why the surge of raging hormones. anyway i think having a relationship now is relatively unstable and quite broing. there aren't much couple stuff to do. i mean having someone to love you have the occasional fights living a sweet yet loving life is nice right.
haiz, i'm destined to be single.

earlier in the day, my classmates and i were talking about having sex, not together but just our thoughts about sex. a couple of girls i know have done it and are still doing it regularly which is totally fine with me cause its their body and i'm in no position to judge. for me i mean having sex with one men is great if he's darn good at it and if i married my first boyfriend. if not, i don't mind having it with random guys but the thing is my first time my be with someone special. i know it sounds cheesy but its true its like a once in a lifetime thing. after the first few times i think i don;t really care. sex might just be... sex. but then again the thought of having sex with only one guy is kinda boring. i mean its only experiencing only one style when there are millions out there. if i'm crazy enough and still single in my thirities i dun mind hiring male social escorts. haha. why do girls have to bother about so many stuff guys just do it without much thought. i might just have it in uni or something with a good guy friend (friends with benefits) and just get over and done with the whole first time thing. or maybe i should do it with a girl. that would be interesting. haha. i'm keeping my options open. if only real life sex is as romantic, hot and intimate as those you see in romance movies and read in books. kisses be as tantalising. i know why girls like to read romance novels and watch romance movies cause there isn't enough love in the air i mean real, simple yet powerful love with no strings attached. its a way to indulge in the world of romance, intimacy and fantasy.

okay people reading now may think i'm mad. haha.
bye:)

much better

2007-02-17T08:16:00.000-08:00

went out for a movie with my family and my cousins... feeling much better.

shit

2007-02-17T04:51:00.001-08:00

i can't stop crying.

feeling really fucked up, emotions rushing to my eyes and liquidfy

2007-02-17T04:43:00.001-08:00

17th feb. i won't get to see him in 10 months. emotions started welling up in my eyes. tears trickling down my cheeks and i gave him a long tight hug.

i miss my brother...

i don't know what i'm going to do without him by my side for that long.

i love him... :)

revived

2007-01-29T03:21:00.000-08:00

hey people! i know i haven't been updating cause i'm too lazy too or i'm busy with stuff.

a couple of stuff have been bothering me. i'm contemplating whether i should quit sailing and go cca less. anyway its been a nearly a year and i am still upset over the fact that i'm in tpjc. i know its no use being bothered by it cause i can't change where i am now but i can change where i go next. so i guess i just have to focus and be optimistic for the future.

'so you think you can dance' is one of the greatest and entertaining show. ' the apprentice' is as amusing as ever and sean is absolutely hilarious.

watched what a girl wants, borat, american pie 5, scoop recently. i long chick flicks and lame m18 or r21 comedies, its really entertaining and no brainer. it cheers me up cause i laugh my head off.

i'm still waiting for my prison break, oc and other dramas from my brother's friend. omg i need some drama therapy! i realised my hobby is watching dramas, reality tv, movies and ultimately day dreaming.

okay i'm just blabbering alot of random stuff cause i dun hav anything constructive to say.

btw i have bio, math and chem test upcoming in the next few weeks. chinese new yra is round the corner and i need to get a top, dress, accessories and a new hair cut of course. i realised i still look very kiddish. i seriously need to learn how to apply make up and make my look more mature and sexy something. i also need to start working on my figure so i look good for prom, which i'm not sure whether i'll be attending.

i've been hooked onto listening to new singers and genres and i'm back to a phase where i like rock and slow music. these days i also tend to take notice of song lyrics and some are really meaningful and sweet. probably its me being single for 17 years that i like such stuff. i know romance books have no educational value but its quite entertaining day dreaming about me in the story. hahahha. i'm desperate but i'm picky.

enough for the crap talk but i really need to go shopping. dun keep pang sehing me can?

till the next time we girls meet you guys got any plans for valentines day? i hve lessons with jy till late. so probably i can only go on a weekend. sorry.

my brother is leaving singapore is less than 3 weeks, omg i really miss him. there will be no one i can talk to, to crap with me at night and tease, irritate the shit out of me but i still love him. everybody say AWW. hahaha.

hope his trip will bring me a huge present to love me . hahah, you girls know what i mean. hahaha cheeky.

today

2007-01-10T03:42:00.000-08:00

this is gonna be a quick entry before i get back to completing my holiday homework which my tecahers are hounding me for. anyway met some of my new teachers for the year some are good while others mediocre. i think i have this love hate relationship with my math tecaher. she's average with her teaching BUT she's extremely hardworking taking the effort to have a weekly timeslot for complusory math tuition that kinda thing. so in a way she's strict and demanding (which i hate) but i'll be forced to work harder for this crucial year.

i'll be having my cca orientation with the j1s at sentosa this friday, contemplating whether i should go anot. sounds fun though.

anyway i'm entertaining this crazy thought in my head and that is should i retain voluntarily. i mean J1 is so so so fun. i still remember my MI days, sweet. besides the fun there's this new principal this year, she's way better in evey aspect compared to the previous one and also studies are more efficently this year as i've seen so far. also, there are a couple of new sujects offered like threatre studies here and the subject combination is more flexible this year too. and there is this other reason why i wanna retain cause i wanna go a01. hahaha. i shall tell you girls why personally just in case outsiders pop by. muhahah. tll then take care.

truckload of kisses.

school so far...

2007-01-09T06:06:00.001-08:00

it has been quite boring these days filled be topical tests and boring lectures. the teachers seem to have this new approach to conducting lectures and that is to appear super enthusiastic and treating us like kids. anyway i'm in love with this song.

you are love by josh groban

Don't give up
It's just the weight of the world
When your heart's heavy I
I will lift it for you
Don't give up
Because you want to be heard
If silence keeps you I
I will break it for you
Everybody wants to be understood
Well I can hear you
Everybody wants to be loved
Don't give up
Because you are loved
Don't give up
It's just the hurt that you hide
When you're lost inside I
I'll be there to find you
Don't give up
Because you want to burn bright
If darkness blinds you I
I will shine to guide you
Everybody wants to be understood
Well I can hear you
Everybody needs to be loved
Don't give up
Because...you are loved
Don't give up
It's just the weight of the world
Don't give up
Everyone needs to be loved
You are loved

if i weren't me.

2006-12-27T15:54:00.000-08:00

i wanna be somebody else. someone gorgeous, intelligent, certain, have a life, more friends, closer friends, extrovert. something that i'm currently not.

a day to eye candy...

2006-12-25T22:58:00.000-08:00

went to suntec today and i saw this darn good looking dude. he's half chinese( he was with his mum) and caucasian, not sure about his age but definitely more than 17 less than 22, tall about 1.9, muscular:) and good looking;) AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

anyway i'm so bored that i'm friendster surfing today. i just randomly type a name and search that name in a country. AHHAHA. oh man i think i'm desperately bored.

back to eye candying on friendster:)

love stories...day dreams

2006-12-25T01:51:00.000-08:00

its about 2am in the morning and i just finish watching the notebook and like all movie creations of nicholas sparks books, its good. really sweet. but such romance is near impossible to find. anyway i decided to get my hands on the movie cause i was feeling bored and remembered that this movie was awarded best kiss on some award show.

anyway i watched 3 movies today., material girls, happy feet and the notebook. see i'm bored hahah.

night. sweet dreams. kisses to everyone who's reading this.

my all time favourite holiday movie...

2006-12-24T06:51:00.000-08:00

LOVE ACTUALLY. i've watched that show 3 times. the show gives me a warm fuzzy feeling and hugh grant is handsome. its hard to maintain such looks at 40 plus. but then again he's handsome cause he's in a suit thruout the show. suits seldom fail to make a man more handsome:) haha. and so its the spanish dude. emma, what's his name?

girlfirends!

2006-12-23T13:43:00.000-08:00

hey if you guys wanna buy cheap nice dresses tell me cause i was looking thru the forever 21 website and they have nice clothes. the catch is even after converting to sing dollars its still cheaper! but then i'm not sure about the shipping fees. the more i buy, the rates should be cheaper right?

i need to feminize my wardrobe. hahaha.

http://www.forever21.com

hey people

2006-12-21T03:54:00.000-08:00

just got back from stayover at emma'a. hahah so fun. we watched love actually, ate loads of chocolates, wacthed loads of tv, styled each other's hair, painted my nails:), so pretty and played board games.

and i have to say emma isn;t really good at board games. HAHAHAH.

vivo city

2006-12-16T22:05:00.000-08:00

went to vivo after my first tuition lesson today. LOVED IT. Anyway, its good ol’ memories walking pass the classrooms I was in during sec 4. laming with spenser, anqi and the gang. 7-11 buffet. Hahah. Classic.

there are so many shoppable shops at vivo. i mean shops i usually visit all packed into one mall. GREAT! anyway i hate the crowd. darn packed. some stuff are a little costly there but overall the fashion style is nice.

went to forever 21 and i surprised myself by finding 4 dresses that i liked. i used to hate forever 21 cause the clothes are kinda sucky. i realised something though, some dresses are totally rip off from dresses of earlier seasons from zara, topshop, guess... blah blah. but since its alike with a more friendly price tag. i'm not complaining:) i liked 2 of the dress one greyish tube figure hugging tweet-ish dress and a baby doll blu-ish low cut dress. each only $68. i'm going nuts. Didn’t buy them though shall think through it first.
I really need to control my spending and help save money for my parents. if i really like it should get it. no harm getting dresses for formal occasions or when i'm in the mood to feel sexy and feminine. HAHAHA. Shall go there again on mon or wed. take advantage of the Christmas/ year end sale to get good deals.

I know what I wanna wear for prom. A tube, figure hugging dress which ends just above the knee or a baby doll red-ish dress which end mid thigh and black stockings with pointed 3-4 inch black heels. Hair, I’ll probably let it down with a shoulder length cut.

TO GIRLS: LA SENZA IS HAVING SALE!!! BRAS AT 50% OFF. I GOT MINE FOR 14.50 SO CHEAP. HAHAHA. I LOVE LINGERIE SHOPPING. HAHAHA.

anyway i really like my family during the good times.

night to the world.

I’ll miss him.

reminiscing

2006-12-15T10:08:00.000-08:00

hey guys, i know i haven't posted any pictures about my ocip trip. can't blame me but my pictures are everywhere, waiting for people to send it to me. anyways mk told me about some ocip video on youtube. its really sweet, reminisce about the good old times. here's the url http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M-a_W7ZV-IA

enjoy;)

what's up

2006-12-14T17:58:00.000-08:00

to visitors of my blog, you guys see me updating frequently these days right? it means i'm bored.

anyway i want my oprah! i don't have cable so i survive on the pathetic local channels. okay, i have to give some credit for the progress they've made. but still... where's oprah. they replaced it with the tyra show which i feel is a little rip off from oprah. its like a more amatuer and bimbotic replica of the oprah show. serious. i mean the topics discussed on tyra is a bimbotic.. maybe its not the issue but they way they discuss the issue. its abit like a bimbo get together talk show or a bunch of pretty girls sitting on couches bitching and wah la u get a talk show. hahaha. maybe she's just a little inexprienced as a talk show host. work on it girl (hoochie mama style with the finger snap) and u'll get there.

i prefer oprah cause i think her show has more diversity. i mean she talks about everyday problems, addresses important issues, there's celebrities and tips for dressing up. you name she has it. i love oprah.

ellen, on the other hand, i used to think she's boring. but as compared to tyra, her show is way better. ellen's talk show is abit more up beat, funny and she does really lame things. but then again its anot a fair comparison cause the categories of these two talk shows are different.

back to watching the tyra show and look for more stuff to scrutinize. but i do have to give credit to the show. tyra dresses so well and she looks good in baby doll dresses. the people dress well on the show so in a way i can also get fashion tips.

news junkie

2006-12-13T21:13:00.000-08:00

hey people, i've found a site better than yahoo news to get my daily update of the news. its google news! hahah.

was reading about stuff that interest me, which does not include anything about the us and iraq war thing, i mean com' on its been 5 years already and news on the iraq war is alike. i mean there's not much progress and they're facing resistance form insurgents, people around the world getting pissed off at bush... blah blah. i mean i know bush is determined to 'help' the country . i get it.

anyway was reading entertainment news and nicole richie is arrested for driving under the influence of drugs or something like that. to my horror that's where i found out joel madden- dude form good charlotte-and hilary duff broke up. i mean the article just stated something bout she dating joel.

i know its VERY bimbo of me to say this but i'm shock at the spilt. i mean i only knew they were together this year. i thought they looked very sweet together. i mean she's all sweet looking, joel marked with tatoos all over. quite an unlikly match. and they look cute in pictures togther. they looked like they would last. they're one of my favourite couples, other couple includes adam brody and rachel bilson. okay i like entertainment news when i'm bored cause its freaking amusing. its a fantasy life.

side tracking... i'm hooked onto 70s music now. the retro vibe in me is BACK.

another smack in the face

2006-12-13T05:59:00.000-08:00

okay so i was feeling abit bored and i did a search on my next favourite couple adam and rachel and guess what??? they have also just spilt. OMG what is this world coming to.

its so stucked in my head.

2006-12-10T19:39:00.000-08:00

i know this is a cheesy song but no promises by shayne ward is so stucked in my head. i mean the lyrics are simple yet meaningful. its a love song. its been awhile since i'm hooked to a love song. is that a sign? haha. sign that i'm desperate.

i like this song cause i think the mtv is nice, first saw it at eunice's place. i remembered i met her wearing heels and i nearly died.

anyway can someone please date me to the gym, tracks or swimming. i'm in need to some vigorious movement. i'm becoming a lardball. and how to be god's gift to men if i'm a lardball. haha.

this afternoon i did nothing but sleep and watch movies. i watched the wicker man staring nicholas cage and mean girls.

let me first start with wicker man. i mean the plot is quite genius and there is such an unexpected twist at the end and everything unravels and falls into place. its a little disturbing.

for mean girls its the second time i've watched it. chick flicks never fail to accompany me when i'm bored. in a way i'm quite glad that there aren't much bitchness and cliques in singapore. cause its such a waste of time. but then again school life would be boring i mean i don't couples making out in TP canteen or walkways. it would be kinda freaky if people just started making out and cat fights happening everywhere. but then it wouldn't harm if there were cute jocks in school or cute smart guys around school to make my eyes diabetic. i think i'm losing my taste in guys. comparing mean girls to john tucker must die, mean girls is more entertaining but john tucker have cuter dudes.

anyway i'm just thinking whether i'm too old for chick flicks. well 1'm still a teenager right? so its fine... right?

what if...

2006-12-10T10:04:00.000-08:00

i'm watching the rhythmic gymnastics asian games and i was just wondering what will life be like for me if i agree to join the gymnastics school team in primary school.

i remembered i used to love gymnastics, i did it for pe in lower primary and i love it. i was more than delighted to join the school team but my mother didn't allow. my sister was also asked to join. the coach was actually pestering my mother to let us join. she didn't want us to participate as she herself use to be a gymnast and she knows the dangers of it. so i guess she's just protecting us. a protection that i wish she didn't impose on us.

i guess talents do pass from mother to daughters through the womb.

but its too late for second thoughts now. i guess i'm no longer at an age where i'm flexible but brittle.

if i were to join gym then i bet i'll be slim and i'll love my life more cause i'm doing something i love. unlike life now, its so freaking pointless.

music

2006-12-08T20:00:00.000-08:00

i'm freaking lazing around big time. listening to some tracks i just got. sieving thru the pile to get rid of crap.

just got home and u know what, i need to get clothes!!! i'm planning what i should wear for chinese new year. should i get a dress??? i mean that would surprise my family. me in dress??? oh i need to lose my tummy flabs so i can fit into my sister's size 3 jeans that is way too huge for her. my sister is size 0 i think for jeans. idiot.

anyway saw this necklace at aldo accessories, quite nice. its like a bronze chains with 4 -5 random items hanging form it which includes a fish and some green emerald. its damn random but nice.

anyway i thought of a hairstyle i wanna cut. i'll probably keep my shoulder length hair the layer it. its freaking common. but then again what other styles can one have.

if its possible i wanna change my wardrobe. i need some clothes that is me. kimono low cut tops., long baggy flowly feminine tops. nice jeans. ah. haha no money man. was looking through elle and style magazine at dome today. omg the stuff are darn nice but freaking expensive. if possible i wanna be a multi millionaire in the future.

what job incorporates the following elements? traveling food nice clothes relaxing earning loads of cash drinking dancing.

anyway the weekend its here i forsee its going to be a boring one.

hey donna when will you be back. like date.

measelled camel

2006-12-08T00:47:00.000-08:00

i went to the new Ikea today. walked around and the stuff. the place is huge. so glad that Ikea is near my place and school cause now i can eat the meatballs more often. I LOVE SWEDDISH MEATBALLS!!! and the almond cake and chicken wing. the standard and food portions have greatly reduced though. stupid profit driven asses. but i'll probably do the same thing when i do get to run my dream restaurant.

as always i went a little bonkers at the cookware and utensils section. i love looking at cooking stuff. bed sheets too.

i bought a measel looking camel stuff toy. i haven't had a stuff toy in ages. childhood deprived.

AND OH red is my new official favourite colour. it used to be brown. i still like brown but i like red too. actually i like red stuff but not red clothes. red just doesn't go well with tanned skin. well i guess i still like brown for clothes. but like what i've told emma, i will not get a brown wedding dress cause its darn gross. i'll look like a blooming tree when i hold the bouquet of flowers.

anyway i need some freaking excitement in my life.

i was just wondering how scary is it to get married. i mean its inviting a stranger to be a family member and to me family is a forever thing. and if u make the wrong choice in man and divorce the guy then 'till death do us part' loses its meaning. lets see most people get married latest at 30 and i'm 17. fuck i've only got 13 more years to find someone to spend about 50 years with. how to find sia. time is running out. please let my dream european guy out of the cage and into my arms. HAHAH. but then again i cannot picture myself living with a guy for like 50 years having sex maybe i can picture but having kids. no. me being a mum??? its scary. and i do not want to picture or try to imagine how gross and painful childbirth will be. childbirth a beautiful moment? bull shit i would say. i bet that phrase is written by a man. and i would seriously slapped/ punch/ kick a man who cheats on his wife during pregnancy. heartless ass.

anyway anyone of you watch the show chef in black on arts central? emmanuel is a cool dude. i don't mind a husband like that. i mean he can cook then i'll run the restaurant and he has a great bod and he's white. hahah. PLUS he's left handed. i have a thing for left handers probably cause my brother is left handed. please dun not think incest. i like the way left handers write:)

and oh the asian games is on and i love swimming matches. its darn exciting like horseracing. plus the dudes have damn lean and tonned body. some jap and korean swimmers are not bad looking too. when i compliment an asian guy of their looks it means that they're really cute. for the ladies i like the physique of the japanese ladies. they're more toned and have compact muscles. i love the muscle definition on their arms man. I WANT!

life have also been boring lately. pigging out and lazying around waiting for time to pass. i'm wasting my life away which i shouldn't be cause in 2 years time i won;t be a teenager anymore. a label which is associated with being hip cool educated leaders of tomorrow. a age to be mischevious and yet the consequences are not that great.

PUB STREET!!! miss that place with their cheap alcohol.

i'm like blogging random stuff on my entry which has no relation to my entry title. i'm random i can't seem to get focused or attached to something. that's why i don't think i can ever be in a relationship cause i dun allow myself to get emotionally attached, its a habit i have. and i think i've mentioned this that if i have the slightest liking for someone i'll focus hard on something i hate about him and i'll not like him anymore. i don't do that for girls though. and if i'm hurt or miss something dearly i will address the pain by forgetting it. my emotional side is untouched grounds.

anyway i'm off to bed. still gotta get up early and help with the household chores before leaving to chill at dome. ice mocha with gelato, chocolate gelato with milk and chocolate sauce!!!

anyway i know how i use to hate my parents but now somehow that hate has simmered and i really want to suport them and give the a better life they deserve. allow them to travel and stuff.

brain dead

2006-12-06T15:07:00.000-08:00

oh my i think i'm so screwed right now. the long study break i've embarked on is destructive. i can't seem to concentrate for more than 5 minutes now. AND my inofrmation is all gone.

i've been trying to do my comprehension and i feel so dumb. i can't seem to put my answers into words.

oh my i need to get back into the groove of working! i fear for my future, my laziness will get the best of me.

being lazy is my character and it is something i embrace and detest. being lazy makes me relax but then again it holds me back from achieveing my goals.

HOW?

back

2006-12-04T17:45:00.000-08:00

i'm back form my cameron highlands trip with my family. it was quite fun cause i went with my cousins and stuff. too bad it was just a short trip and that we didn't take advantage of the malaysia year end sale and the exchange rate to go shopping in KL. any hoos, it was still fun the company was great.

the drive up was fucking gruelling and i've never seen my dad speed that fats. i loved it :)

this trip was organised but my uncle's company so it was a convoy drive up.

the weather there was damn shiok and the food tasty. i did nothing there but eat relax and sleep. hahah the lifestyle of a pig.

anyway call me when you gilrs are free so we can hang out. tatas.

... sun glasses...

2006-12-01T09:39:00.000-08:00

i love avaitor and huge brownish sun glasses:)

i can't wait to grow up, meaning be financially independent.

i wanna travel and be a hippie with cornrolls. smoke weed and drink all day long.

why i drink?

2006-11-30T21:11:00.000-08:00

for me i've realised why i drink
i drink to:

be on cloud 9
feel slightly better about myself
forget my worries for a short while and be myself
helps me to let my guard down

i don't drink to get drunk cause i think that's lame.

missing dearly

2006-11-30T19:13:00.000-08:00

I'M SUFFERING FROM CAMBODIAN HEARTBREAK!

all my friends on the trip share my sentiments. we need some fun now! CAMBODIAN STYLE! WOOHOOO!

it's been 4 days since my return and i still miss cambodia, i dun think i have missed something for this long.

oh my it just occured to me its a once in a lifetime thing. i mean going on a trip with youngsters and no parents and of the correct age too.

as i was saying to my friend online:
we can never get over ocip cause its once in a life time
(19:03:10) sam.: i mean jc is the right time to go on such a trip
(19:03:22) sam.: cause the teachers wouldn't be so strict cause we're all mature
(19:03:33) sam.: and then again we're at a defiant age to try new stuff
(19:03:45) sam.: and i feel the trip is rather independant
(19:03:54) sam.: and there weren;t much restrictions

which is kinda true. i mean being stucked in singapore for so long. this trip was indeed truly and experience. okay i know i sound like a noob but this is my first time on a plane. okay, i know its embarassing but yeah and I AM GLAD IT WAS FOR SUCH A MEANINGFUL TRIP!

anyway i'm off tp nurse my broken heart. bye!

HEY PEOPLE I'M BACK

2006-11-26T18:48:00.000-08:00

angkor beer. my country, my beer.

anyway i love CAMBODIA!!!! i woould wanna return next year to cambodia then head on to visit thailand too. omg i just love the country the people there were poor yet hospitable and giving. i love the tuk tuk rides!!!!! so exciting. despite the tough manual labour which made me fall sick and get bruises. it was all worth it. forget the extremely bumpy long bus rides and the ultra dusty roads. i love my OCIP hang out group. its only been 7 hours seen i last saw them, i miss them already!

the late night snacking, watching movie and playing cards the chats together. it was allsso darn fun and i loved it.

people put there if you have the chance go vist angkor wat its truly magnificiant. when i was in battambang province i was so freaking sick of cambodian food man. it was practically the same dishes every meal. plus i dun really like cambodian food with its lemon grass and stuff.

anyway siem reap was a hellalota fun. anyway i'm not going to say what i did on my 2 day stay there. as the saying goes what happens in siem reap stays in siem reap. the shopping was so good despite the time and money constrain and i love bargaining.

i love my hotel rooms despite getting a shock on the first day when i saw victoria hotel battambong it wasn;t the resort and spa i expected. but who cares it was so dan fun there. serioulsy.

i'm so going back there next year after a levels. i'm gonna go on a budget trip to cambodia and thailand. like 1 month or something.

the new things i've tried on this trip with my friends are all unforgettable.

i miss SALEE. ( he's this muscular translater during my stay at battambang.)

anyway i've spent about US$151. but it didn;t seem i got much stuff back from cambodia.

anyway i've realised i love to do things with adventurous people. like climbing into the bus thru the window and climbing in between two buses. HAHA, childhood deprived.

i need to lose my flabs!

this is an exprience i'll truly cherish forever.

surprisingly, i do not miss much stuff in singapore i don't miss my bed, my family and you girls very much. its not because i don't cherish you all but its just i dunno. when i steeped into myu room when i got back it felt so foreign and weird.i'm not really glad to be back i want my stay to extend!!!

my sentiments about the trip discussed with my guy friend on the trip

2006-11-26T18:47:00.000-08:00

(10:01:14) sam.: hey so are u still mopping over the end of the cambodia trip
(10:01:18) sam.: i know i am a little
(10:01:57) i juz knew the day would arrive... sad... :( did i give my 100%?: yea
(10:02:09) sam.: me too
(10:02:21) i juz knew the day would arrive... sad... :( did i give my 100%?: well..
(10:02:46) i juz knew the day would arrive... sad... :( did i give my 100%?: have u ever wondered wad was the thing that made u miss the trip the most?
(10:06:16) sam.: yeah
(10:06:21) sam.: but there are just too mnay
(10:06:32) sam.: for me going on this trip was like an adventure
(10:06:50) sam.: letting myslef exprience something new
(10:07:03) sam.: taking a break form reality
(10:07:15) sam.: for me i miss the exprience there
(10:07:23) sam.: the late night talks
(10:07:28) sam.: the bus rides
(10:07:37) sam.: the kids in a little way
(10:07:43) sam.: the shopping
(10:07:46) sam.: the great people
(10:07:52) sam.: the tuk tuk rides
(10:07:57) sam.: there are just so many
(10:08:17) sam.: but i think the thing i miss the most is the way of life as a foreigner there
(10:08:27) sam.: probbaly being a local there isn;t so fun
(10:09:16) i juz knew the day would arrive... sad... :( did i give my 100%?: yea
(10:09:23) i juz knew the day would arrive... sad... :( did i give my 100%?: u have a gd pt dere..
(10:09:32) sam.: yeah
(10:09:42) i juz knew the day would arrive... sad... :( did i give my 100%?: i miss the whole arrangement of the trip..
(10:09:51) sam.: i just love spending time with the people on the trip
(10:09:56) i juz knew the day would arrive... sad... :( did i give my 100%?: that this arrangement wont ever happen the exact same way as it did..
(10:10:03) sam.: u know previousluy my clique we were not close at all
(10:10:12) sam.: yeah me too
(10:10:14) i juz knew the day would arrive... sad... :( did i give my 100%?: u mean the 6 of u?
(10:10:17) sam.: yeah
(10:10:25) sam.: it was because of the rip
(10:10:29) sam.: it did wonders
(10:10:36) i juz knew the day would arrive... sad... :( did i give my 100%?: well..
(10:10:40) i juz knew the day would arrive... sad... :( did i give my 100%?: it sure did..
(10:10:44) sam.: hahhaa
(10:10:58) sam.: so u got to know anyone new other than the s01 people
(10:11:45) sam.: actually i kinda prepared myself to leave cambodia on the last working day of the primary school
(10:12:04) i juz knew the day would arrive... sad... :( did i give my 100%?: haha
(10:12:10) sam.: yeah
(10:12:19) i juz knew the day would arrive... sad... :( did i give my 100%?: i prepared leaving cambodia even b4 the trip
(10:12:22) sam.: cause it was then i realised the number of days we have left
(10:12:28) sam.: hahhaha
(10:12:31) i juz knew the day would arrive... sad... :( did i give my 100%?: serious
(10:12:32) sam.: me too a little
(10:12:54) sam.: in the primary school i didn;t want to interact much cause i dun wanna get emotionally attached
(10:13:05) sam.: to the people and the place
(10:13:16) i juz knew the day would arrive... sad... :( did i give my 100%?: yea..
(10:13:44) sam.: cause in the back of my head i know all this is going to end sooner than expected
(10:14:07) sam.: so i'm saving myself the the eventual heartbreak
(10:15:07) i juz knew the day would arrive... sad... :( did i give my 100%?: for me..
(10:15:28) i juz knew the day would arrive... sad... :( did i give my 100%?: i was kinda in a dilemma.. cos i tot likewise of wad u tot..
(10:15:32) i juz knew the day would arrive... sad... :( did i give my 100%?: but at the same time..
(10:15:55) i juz knew the day would arrive... sad... :( did i give my 100%?: if i din interact with the kids den dere wouldnt be any more chances for interaction wif them..
(10:15:57) i juz knew the day would arrive... sad... :( did i give my 100%?: yea..
(10:15:58) i juz knew the day would arrive... sad... :( did i give my 100%?: wel..
(10:16:06) sam.: yeah true
(10:16:26) sam.: but u see i'm selfish i was caring more about my own feelings
(10:16:46) i juz knew the day would arrive... sad... :( did i give my 100%?: ok
(10:17:38) sam.: for me i miss the clubbing and shopping alot cause that was the first time in the whole trip i just let all my guards down and have fun
(10:17:54) sam.: and i only did that fpr like 4 hours and i alreday miss it so much
(10:18:13) sam.: can u imgaine if i were to put myself into the whole tip
(10:18:20) sam.: i would be in depression by now
(10:20:41) i juz knew the day would arrive... sad... :( did i give my 100%?: lol
(10:20:41) i juz knew the day would arrive... sad... :( did i give my 100%?: haha
(10:20:58) sam.: hahah yeah
(10:21:01) i juz knew the day would arrive... sad... :( did i give my 100%?: i felt that i too wasnt really immersed in the tirp..
(10:21:23) i juz knew the day would arrive... sad... :( did i give my 100%?: tho the aftermath isnt so heart-wrenching.. but i felt that i should have cos its once in a lifetime only..
(10:21:26) sam.: cause when was clubbing i was like shit its gonna be the last night heck it with the emotional and physical guards i have
(10:21:33) sam.: woohooo just have fun
(10:21:44) sam.: yeah me too
(10:21:45) i juz knew the day would arrive... sad... :( did i give my 100%?: haha
(10:21:50) sam.: i wasn't really immersed too
(10:22:00) sam.: and this was my first time n an ocip trip
(10:24:10) i juz knew the day would arrive... sad... :( did i give my 100%?: oh..
(10:24:13) sam.: u know what i wshed i brought a videocam ther and record the whole trip so i cab watch it again and again
(10:24:14) i juz knew the day would arrive... sad... :( did i give my 100%?: icic..
(10:24:23) i juz knew the day would arrive... sad... :( did i give my 100%?: yea!!
(10:24:27) i juz knew the day would arrive... sad... :( did i give my 100%?: i tot of this too..
(10:24:31) sam.: hahha
(10:24:33) i juz knew the day would arrive... sad... :( did i give my 100%?: but i realised sth
(10:24:56) sam.: i didnlt bother to take pictures cause i was too lazy and i think taking pictutres spolis the exprience
(10:25:52) i juz knew the day would arrive... sad... :( did i give my 100%?: yea
(10:25:55) sam.: what did u realised
(10:25:56) i juz knew the day would arrive... sad... :( did i give my 100%?: that's wad i wanted to say..
(10:26:00) sam.: oooo
(10:26:27) sam.: i mean like u are like immersing urself in the activity then myust stop take pictures then continue
(10:26:43) sam.: anyway i'm trying to recall what i was odoing 7 days agao
(10:26:54) i juz knew the day would arrive... sad... :( did i give my 100%?: 7 days ago?
(10:26:56) i juz knew the day would arrive... sad... :( did i give my 100%?: y 7?
(10:27:03) sam.: a week la
(10:27:11) sam.: a week exactly form now
(10:28:12) i juz knew the day would arrive... sad... :( did i give my 100%?: oh
(10:28:35) sam.: yeah last monday was the last working day at the primary school right
(10:29:04) i juz knew the day would arrive... sad... :( did i give my 100%?: yea
(10:29:39) sam.: now ts like 930 i think i was doing the paintung of the doors or the red sections of the school

i miss

2006-11-26T04:31:00.000-08:00

i miss the followign channels

AXN
HBO
starmovies
espn
discovery channel fashion tv

leaving...

2006-11-12T22:15:00.000-08:00

i'll be leaving soon... won;t be back in two weeks! that's a long time away from civilisation.

even though i'll hate to admit it but i know i'll miss my family and my girlfriends... i'll miss YOU the person reading my blog now... whoever you are.

AND I've made a pack with myself that i shall stay single all my life. i'm not vowing for celibacy or anything. freinds with benefits are still welcomed. HAHA.

sunday

2006-11-04T22:07:00.000-08:00

i'm now at my brother's com, chomping on gunny bears and listening to some house music with some huge comfy headphones. they give great dimension to the song. loves it!

anyway i'm suffering from the withdrawal symptoms of not watching the oc. i feel like re watching it though. so to fill up that empty sapce in my life i've watched john tucker must die and the convanent. i love both shows but prefer the convanent. i mean the story line is great but it lacks somthing. not as nice as the underworld though. i like the convanent because of its theme. its dark witchy-ish, old world stuff which i love. i mean how cool is it to be different. like in the underworld a vampire. to be near immortal.

anyway i'm kinda bored with life. nothing much exciting happening.

and oh chinese a levels was fine. should be able to obtain a grade C. and guess who was sitting beside me. its so distracting. jason. hahha. okay he's some white dude in my school. tall has a nice smile. acording to my chinese class classmate he's a very nice person, goofy and stuff. about his bod i'm not sure. aisyah says his butt is fat though. anyways its so distracting. damn it. if i fail its because of him. hahah. okay he's not that enticing till i'll fail chinese but yeha. i'm just saying. i believe in my chinese abilities.

anyway there's nothing much to do. busy busy busy with nothing. hahah.

I MUST STUDY! be successful and get rich meet perfect men.

bye:)

to kath: good luck for TEE.

OCing

2006-11-02T15:31:00.000-08:00

anyway instead of studying chinese which i'm not at it yet btw i'm OCing. its super fun. chinese is tomoro all i hope is that i can get at least a C with my standard of chinese.

so i'm now at season 2 of the OC its still quite fun.

to donna: yeah marrisa dies during season season 3. i wonder who is ryan gonna date? anyway i mean if it gets bored in season 4 i hope they stop the production of the show at season 4 and not spoil my impression of the OC. i mean its not good to have too long dramas after a while it justs gets boring. then again there's nothing more to write about as the core 4 gets into college and stuff. so i guess it will end there unless they bring in a whole new cast of babies. hahaha.

i need another drama to follow up OC if not i'll have serious redrawal symptoms like insanity. HAHA. i don't wanna go cold turkey.

hmmm is laguna beach nice?

anyway satying at home for 2 consecutive days is so boring. i'm too lazy to go out. my place is so faraway form civilisation. its has its perks though like the neighbourhood is quite and clean.

anyway i wanna get a hair cut soon. can;t stand my hair now. super messy. i don't think i wanna cut te slop hair u know shorter at the back and longer at the front. cause to have that style i have to make sure my hair is straight at all times and that i need to have more hair.

probably i'll keep it shoulder length and just layer it to have some volume and cut my fringe around nose length. that is such a common look.

anyway its been 3 weeks since my last run. too lazy to exercise. i need new shoes!!!

anyway it turns out that i'm going two places this hols.

cambodia from the 14th till 26th nov
cameron highlands tentatively from the 2nd till 4th dec with my whole family. plus my uncles and stuff. cause the old people of my family( uncles aunt and parents wanna relax( meaning laze around and do nothing and enjoy the cold weather and nice scenary. the stuff old people do and apparantly bore us young people with plantations.) hopefully we can drop by kl to do some shopping and eat!!!!!

so yeah. i'm contemplating whether i should join pilates. cause its like i'll most likely be joinging tuition this dec for two subjects. whihc is like 300 plus a month. that is an additional burden to my parents. actaully i learn alot from my parents and that is if you earn a normal salary do not have 3 kids. or in my opinion no kids at all. if not, my kids will have to suffer like me, which i do no wanna put them thru. suffering in the materialistic sense. not being able to buy stuff all the time, eating at like retaurants every other day, travelling every year. hahha that's me dreaming. i mean i don't wanna be in their plight. i mean their lives are fine other than having three evil children. i bet my parents do max out on cash on certain months. and if any of my parents were do be out of job, my family is screwed. so yeah if i do end up earning a normal pay like 2.5k every month. i will not even get married or even come close to having contact with men. i'll probably work hard to earn and save and get the life i want first. so yeah that's my plan, i mean it sucks leading a normal life i do not see much joy in a simple normal life. like earning a stable income of 2k plus, have a husband, kids, cars, living in a flat and life stays that way for the next 40 years. omg that would suck so bad. i would give uop the hisband and kids for singlehood, seriously. i want a taste of the finer side, explore other countries and cultures travel. i'm afraid of being normal. i mean the hwole thing about marrying a rich man to get rich isn;t such a bad idea but i wanna have my OWN achievements you know. so when i look back in life i know i actually did something out of it and that its not wasted.

did i ever mention in between yaking about men all the time that i don't wanna be in a relationship ever. i mean i do day dream about men. but then again i dont; wanna be in a relationship ever. i try picturing guys in my everyday life that i would date, no one comes to mind. not even dylan ( my not bad looking guy from friendster. hahah i don't know him personally but just think he's cute). maybe i don't wanna date anybody cause no one in my life is suitable? i mena dating sucks or getting married sucks cause its like everything u do u have to make sure that you do not piss of the other party. its a kinda of restriction. and i hate it when i have a gut feeling that someone likes me cause i don't like it how these guys will be nicer to me than other girls and keep talking to me asking me dumb questions. its just gross. back off.

i seriously do not have any prospective boyfriendy men in my life. okay i shall plan for singlehood. start lookiing for retirement homes and planning my trips around the world. the guys in my life now are kinda average or below average. and as i;e mentioned i do not like an average/ nomral life. maybe that's why i'm not attracted to them in the boyfriendy why but as friends they're fine.

okay this is the end of my blabbering nonsense for today. bye:)

i love being single.

feeling much better

2006-10-31T05:44:00.000-08:00

i'm OCing like mad. hahha i eat breathe and live the OC. anyway i'm not sure what life will be like without the OC.

anyway i missed my class's beach outing for ocip dance practice. AH! but it may be a blessing in disguise. need to lose weight before a put on a bikini again.

so chinese A levels is this friday and i'm so not prepared. so yeah. anyway is it common for guys to have rough tougher hands than girls? cause will dancing tody there's this couple part, my guy friends hand is rougher and tougher than girls. eww. not nice at all.

so anyway off to doing my work... busy busy busy... anyway i have to start thinking about presents for emma and ejan. i kinda thought of what to get emma already so girls message me when u read this.

till then its OCing! i love dramas. cause its so dramatic! hahah i know its obvious.

tata:) am i gay?

part 1:OMG... FUCK! part2: it was nice

2006-10-27T21:17:00.000-07:00

i seriously hate project work!!!! fuck my group members are all fucking retarded mother fuckers!!!!!

OMG, we wer supposed to complete it last week. but as always it always drags on. so i asked them for deadlines which they clearly set themselves. but they do not adhere to it!!!! ( WHAT FAGGOTS) PLUS, i volunteered to help them compile and edit so they need to send it to me earlier. i volunteered even though i'm not the fucking secretary who btw sucks at her job as seen from the written report. i have a leader which i think have no brains even though he's intelligent. i think he has some weird mental disorder or he's just scizhopharnic) this project is a one man show, more like one woman named sam show. fucking handing it to me last minute expecting me to compile everythign and fit their time slot! FUCK! there are two group memebers of mine who are retained which i think they totally deserves. they should be doing tthe whole project cause they are so free i mean you get what you deserve right? what did i do to deserve this kinda stupid bastards in my life!!!!

and there's this other guy who acts like he does stuff but he really doesn't do much ( but e's the second hardest wroker after I) using the reason ' my computer crashed' as a reason not to do his section and pushes his work do us so he can go hari raya visiting ... well fuck it! live with it that you do not always have to celebrate your new year that long. make sacrifices damn it. or at least plan ur time. immature *****. and he could have used the last weekend to do it, i was even kind enough to allow his extra time to do it. and no...no... he needed to push it to somebody.

WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i'm seriously going crazy. i cannot not care about this project cause its part of the A levels!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! this is how selfish human beings are. FUCKERS. FUCKERS. seriously if i ever be their bosses in the future which i totally will be. they're gonna get a hard time for me. they're gonna work like dogs.

thinking about something nicer, i went to temasek poly yesterday to go see spenser play tennis. but it turns out that he'll oly be the reserve yesterday. anyway i haven't seen him in a long time and he is looking much better. longer dyed hair, tanned, still very tall as usual and nice to chat with. he's officially best guy friend number two. number one is you- know- who.

belated birhday celebration with the girls:D

2006-10-22T21:40:00.000-07:00

FINALLY! i got to hang out with the girls. went out with EMMA, EUNICE, JOCELYN, JEANNETTE and JIAYING!!! SO FUN and so much pain (cause i was dumb enough to wear heels out.)

okay i got a really nice woven collage fossil belt from them, so sweet:D

first we ate at new york new york, later we kinda walked around marina square the whole time. it nearly killed me. the person who brought flats back to fashion is a genius. okay it quite nice shopping but it sucks shopping without the money to buy stuff, i need a rich man... anyway if i could have my way i would have gotten the zara shirt!!!( i love zara stuff, seriously, it ths way way way way nicer than topshop. but themn both have its pros and cons. anyway my favourite places to look at clothes but can't buy cause no money is topshop, miss selfridege, massimo dutti, zara, warehouse and dorothy. not mentioning tons of other brands), nuvo gold slippers, havaianas brazil slippers( i refuse to pay 25 bucks for it whenits dirt cheap in brazil, so anyone who know someone going to brazil get it for me!!! my size is 37-38 i think?), dorothy perkins jacket, emma's melissa flats ( so comfortable, we actually swoop footwear so the group if us can sprint across the road to get from marina to millenia wala, SO FUNNY), the warehouse wrap dress ($209, its silk. i'm gonna waer a wrap dress for prom!) and the entire candy empire( okay, this is a little too ambitious).

yeah so it was a fun girls day out. i can't wait for girls stayover. paint my nails emma and jocelyn for i suck at it. HAHAH. anyway we didn't gawk over any guy today, good progress, we're maturing.HAHA:D

my birthday

2006-10-16T01:12:00.000-07:00

so today's my birthday... woke up to a list of messages on my phone.

here's a midday report of my day so far.

the stupid weather is so hazy, stuffy and warm. i feel so suffocated. really can like ASEAN do something about the haze? like pressure the indonesian government in term of taxes or restrict their economic flow that kinda stuff. threaten by saying stop the haze or face a crushed economy, something like that. you know exerting power. i know its unethical but come on the air we're bretahing now is as good as placing you face infront of the car exhaust and breathe. looking out the window i doesn't look like singapore it seems more like genting. except that the foggy view is due to mist there and in singapore its due to the haze.

next i have a shit load of projectwork to complete by tonight thanks to an inefficient extreme pain in the ass group leader (he deserves the name calling).

yeah so its work and feeling like shit on my birthday. how nice.

i wanted to go for coffee and read my sister's book 'the waitress'( bimbo). well plans crashed.

nevermind i better get used to working on my birthdays cause i'll probably be doing that when i'm working hard for my future. well sam, get used to it.

AH!!!

2006-10-15T07:50:00.000-07:00

okay i've gonna have a real quick entery and go back to watching the apprentice, a show which inspires me and motivates me to my dream.

i have so many thought right now that i need to pen it down. i love the apprentice!!! the show features successful individuals who are not only smart, rich and some no bad looking. how can some people have it all?

i love the show. if possible i wanna be like them. they're my idols.

but i mean its quite hard for soemone of my intelligence to achieve such sucess even if i work till i die, right? i'm not stupid or anything i guess i'm slightly above average?

maybe i shouldn't care about such stuff and just work hard. i mean if i've put in my best and the outcome is not as great as i've pictured as least i'll be contented, right?

its one of those moments... when you get hooked on a book

2006-10-13T02:13:00.000-07:00

now on my reading list is the book the princess of park avenue which i borrowed form emma. the book is kinda boring initially but i pulled through the dry part and now i kinda like the book.

seriously a good way of relaxation after exams is indulging in a bimbotic book. its a no-brainer. but some bimbo books are way too bimbotic for me. those type which talks around nothing but shopping and dating guys the way stupid bimbos talk? i cannot stand that kinda content, cause it would be a total waste of time.

anyway, this book is not bad with some kind of structure to it, i'm not done with the book yet, currently on page 202.

i like books that can get me thinking and dreaming what i like my life to be like. i love thinking, more like day-dreaming about life seriously. i want everything to turned out the way i've planned it or better, i mean who doesn't.

reading this book give me one of those gooey, soft numb yet comfortable feeling. it keeps me dreaming what if somethig similar where to happened to me, how great would it be.

i've realised some bimbo books are like the fairytales for teen girls in a city or modern context. which girl doesn't wanna meet their prince and get swept off her feet and get treated and appreciated like a princess. such books get me in touch with my feminine side( i'm not really emotionally inclined) and remimd we why it is relatively impossible for me to be lesbian. HAHA.

oh just wanted to say i was on the bus today and this group of tkgs girls were on their way to jc open houses and they were talking about them. at that moment i felt really left out, depressed and embarrassed about my uniform. i really dislike being in the uniform as it often draws the you're such a stupid person or low-life kinda look. in my opinion that's what i think a perosn is thinking if he or she give me THOSE stares. tpjc was really one of my last choices. sometimes its hard getting accustomed to such stuff. its not really in my charcater to accept people demining me.

i really want these two years to be over and with so my life could get back on track and proceed in the direction i've dreamed. working hard to achieve that

what's wrong!!!!!

2006-09-30T05:13:00.000-07:00

i'm pissed. you know earlier in h year i got my cousin who was going to the us to get me levis according to the sizing online i asked for size 9 juniors. TOO LARGE.

so recently my aunt went to san fransisco i asked her to get me levis this time i asked for size 5. OMG still big fuck. i mean i know slouch cut is supposed to be lose but this is a little too loose. i know its supposed to be a little baggy but its way too baggy!!!! i mean i asked for two sizes smaller than the previous one. omg i am pissed. fuck. i want a pair of more fitting jeans for heels. omg i AM IRRITATED. te measurements placed on the levis website is NOT accurate. fuck . supposedly size 5 juniors cut for the hips is like 32 inches or something like that. but my hips are 35? 3 inches smaller. i am pissed. ISN't inches a universal? is like i inch in singapore smalller than that of inches in america? stupid!!!!!!!!!!!!! i need jeans la. i would love the jeans if it was one size smaller. anyway i tried my siter's size 3 skiinny jeans it fits but i have bigger hips so i can't button. but the legs and everyhing fits so i guess its varies form cutting. but yeah still??? i think my sister should be a size one. she's some skinny leggy gal.

shit shit shit.

but the jeans are really comfortable. the material is light and airy. the levis sold locaaly all bloody thick. for fuck.

when i was fat i used to get alot of tight clothes. now when i'm slimmer i get larger clothes. this makes me fume. i dunno where to get nice jeans in singapore which are affordable. i don't like levis in singapore . stupid.

update

2006-09-29T07:46:00.000-07:00

my hair is really mushroom looking now cause i didn't brush it earlier. Anyway, i've just watched the devil wears prada. super nice. the plot is average but the clothes OMG i want a wardrobe like her!!! i mean like u know the before and after its SO different. she looks to sassy with the new hairstyle and the clothes! ah i want them too. that is if i print money.

so today i had two papers GP and economics. i think i did fine for both. fo Gp i wrote an essay on the implications of a society that doesn't read. i wrote about people being narrowminded ignorant uneducated and can get manipulatied easily. blah blah.

6 more days three more papers to freedom!!!! and hello chinese a levels pw and more paper work. the end of a shitload of work comes another. when is it gonna end.

you know what i think staying single is not such a hard feat. cause i dont't seem to be attracted by anyone in my life. like really attracted in every aspect. NONE. watch me i'm gonna be a spinster.

haiz i'm think about cutting my hair again.i wanted to have it all of the same length but i lackthe volume and my hair balloons hahaha. so i was thinking about layers. liek really sassy layers
should i try having a bang? me with a fringe. cute?

after promos mnust exercise!!! maybe i should start the muslim diet. haha fasting.

study study study. i need more diversity in my life. anyway back to the whole relationshp thing i just want to have stability and fun in my life. can i meet the ONE like in 3 years time. hahaha i don't knw i'm whacky

eurotrip

2006-09-20T03:58:00.000-07:00

hey watch eurotrip is you have the chance. its uber funny. its like america pie explicit comedy:) its quite an old show though. SCOTTY DOESN'T KNOW.

anyway i had my chinese promotional examination today. for the compo i chose to wsite about some touvhing story. towrads the end of my essay, i realised i could have written the mocvie paying it forward. but then again the details of the story is kinda vague to me. in the end i wrote about something i watched on oprah. haha, with my own twist. the jist of my compo was that this normal salesman dude saw the tsunami news on tv and he felt so compelled to help that he sold his soccer match final tickets( that he saved for two years) to help in relief efforts. then he went round to spread the message. bla bla. oh yah i also included his parents were in bali on holidya then his mother in injured and dad dead. i know its lame but looking at the other topics i was given i flet that i could write this best. the story wasnt touching though. hope i score well in terms of my absurb plot:) i bet no one in my school worte anything close to this.

HAHA am i good or what.

i don't know how to describe my life now

2006-09-09T20:05:00.000-07:00

okay... i feel kinda numb now. i mean i feel zombie-ish.

i really fear i suck at my promos (which is in 3 weeks time). i mean i look at the amount of time spent studying as compared to my classmates, i'm talking a stroll in the park. i know its not the quantity of time spent studying but the quality as to how much you understand what i'm studying. i just have this fear. i always pace myself to something, it gives me a sort of goal and structure to achieve it.

hmm... plus... i did better than most of my classmates during the mids, i give myself some sort of pressure that i have to perform. its all about the ego and face thing. *sigh* yes, i love to protect my ego like a man.

i seriously need tuition next year! i mean i can cope with my current work load but i want exposure to like students from other schools and also their test papers. cause doing well in TP does not confirm good grades at A levels. sadly. TP has quite a good record of producing not so good a levels results. academically, i think i kinda made the wrong choice going to tp. welll, its a choice i've made i have to live with it for one year and 3 more months.

for me JC life is not something i cherish. i mean it sucks. or maybe i'm just unlucky that the people i know are not my type of people. *sigh*

i love being in a girls school. guys can be such brainless and irritatting creatures.

i'm starting to question my sexuality. i think i may one day love a girl. i mean i can picture myself with one. i mean picturing is the first step isn't it? no worries i'll not date any girl that is in my life now. i love you all as friends and great buddies:) but than again i still love gushing over unrealistic guys. HAHA.

in the past i found it easier to get close to a guy cause most are not manipulative bitches. but i'm distancing myself and find it easier to get to know girls but at times i still cannot stand girls and our habits.

I NEED TO FOCUS ON WHAT IS IMPORTANT NOW. GRADES.

ulcers

2006-09-09T06:21:00.000-07:00

WHY DO I KEEP BITTING ON MY LIP BY MISTAKE?

OOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUCH.

to donna: hey i received the book you got for me today from jean. thanks:) i'll read it soon.

the signs of aging

2006-09-01T20:09:00.000-07:00

i'm suffering from the symptoms of aging and that is i find learning new concepts tough. in donkey years back, i could like pick up and understand stuff very fast. these days i still can understand my work but i'll forget super fast!

my brain is not functioning the way it used to. do i have early onset of dementia?

anyway i think i must accept reality. i am a person who expects sucess if i put in an effort to accomplish something. if i don't suceed i'll be crushed and will lose my motivation to achieve again. i know there's such a thing as brains and talents which are the other components of sucess which i'm seriously lacking in. hardwork, sadly, is not everything. i feel that i'm a very lazy person seriously, you girls hear me talk about studying all the time but i don't do what i tell myself. *sighs* the biggest obstacle in my life is ME.

i hate the way i look.

2006-09-01T04:25:00.000-07:00

i wish i were taller, slimmer and shapier. wishing to be taller is kinda immpossibel to apen. now all i can do is to wok hard and get slim but food is way too tempting! i must hate food. food is bad.

anyway life kinda sucks now as mentioned in my previous entry. AH! i wanna be slim and smart!

anyway i went afreast agian today and i've realised that far east clothes aren't as bad as it used to. there are some real nice pieces.

i dunno way i hated slim people can i think being slim equal to no figure. i'm so wrong so many slim people have figure AH! i mean wehn they were skiiny jeans or shorts their legs are to die for.

i wanna be leggy.

i wanna be tall.

i wanna be everything i'm not.

i wanna be random. i am random.

its it just me...

2006-08-30T04:20:00.000-07:00

OR DOES MY LIFE SUCK... my life is so uneventful. plus i'm not rich. i wish i were rich not like emma loaded but 3/4 or 1/2 i would be contented. i must work hard so i'll have rich kids and i'll teach them the difference between money and water.

i mean why can't i have hot friends or classmates. i mean like knowing hot people. then at least i have something to gush and go girlie over. something for me to look forward to in school. my life is just sad.

also, i hate looking thru friendster even though i find it amusing. i mean look at random people or schoolmates. anyway quite a number of cedarians have hooked up with guys in jc. hahah, desperate beings. at least they have someone. i'm just so bored. waiting for mine to drop from the sky but i dun want him/her ( i'm keeping my options open even though i would prefer a him) to fall and get paralysed. lame rubbish i know but yeah its sam here:)

i forsee my future

2006-08-26T06:27:00.000-07:00

i'll be a wig-wearing spinster with tons of cats living in an uptown apartment.

anyway i think having my period every month sucks.

2006-08-23T04:26:00.000-07:00

sometimes i feel that, generally, jc teachers have more life than secondary and primary teachers. they have less os a standard to follow like the number one rule of tecahers. have a dull personal life or no life. hahah

new items in my life

2006-08-23T04:17:00.001-07:00

i have recently got myself a new phone motorola vx3 and a italia kappa tote bag.
i hate tote bags!!! so uncomfortbale when its heavy. i think in due time i'll start walking and growing side ways.

anyway i had an entry that got ate up a week ago. can't remember what its contents were though.

anyway exmas are like so freaking near. i mean its about 28 days or something before the first paper and that to me now seems to freaking near. back in cedra i would only start flipping through my notes a week before or the day before. but i have to ditch that habit now. anyway, i found out that my gp tecaher has freindster. i knew she was hip but not this hip. she does slasa and stuff and she has a caucasian boyfriend. SO UNEXPECTED. i mean sometimes she does this really act cute voice which i would almost shudder upon heraing it. but she's nice. i thought she was nice right from the start while other in my class thought she was difficult and made life hell for her. i'm such a good student:)

new items in my life

2006-08-23T04:17:00.000-07:00

new car

2006-08-10T06:34:00.000-07:00

my family's getting a new car:) i think its a mitsubitshi lancer. gonna receive it in november:) its my family's second car. the first one was hyundai matrix bought when i was in sec 2. so excited:) LALALALA.

not joining

2006-08-08T17:03:00.000-07:00

after much thought. i dun think i wanna join amore. prolly will hang on till the holidays or something. i've got too much crap to do. so yep. till the holz. i hope i dun expand:(

HAPPY NATIONAL DAY EVE!

i'm not usually this patriotic but yeah:)

not joining

2006-08-08T05:03:00.000-07:00

confronting the interior

2006-08-07T06:17:00.000-07:00

is it just me or is something else making me have freaky dreams lately

dying

2006-08-05T03:35:00.000-07:00

why do people have to leave?

i cannot imagine how i would react if someone i love and care left me.

fusion fsahion gpp

2006-08-03T06:17:00.000-07:00

ok my group is doing on fashion for pw.

emma i need ur help. you read lotsa fashion magazines right can you like tell me what brands have fusion fashion ( asian mix western) other than shanghai tang. and do u happen to have articles from mags on fusion fashion. and do u know how to prove that fusion fashion is a fashion trend.

thanks:)

rattling about life

2006-08-02T19:56:00.000-07:00

anyway today i had nothing to do so i hung around the D block and try to read up on biology lectures but ended up chatting with my classmates. i realised that there's one or two of them who are quite nice. we talked about alot of stuff like what we wanted to do in university and stuff then my guy friend was talking about some rjc girl who is like super smart pretty and rich, his eye candy.

oh ya you know what i have though about my greatest fears in life, death and failure. failure meaning letting myself down.

hello

2006-08-01T04:57:00.000-07:00

hey emma:) now i'm having second thoughts about amore. cause i checked out the sports council website and their gym membership for students is like only about 110 for 6 months. not sure how much their fitness courses are. i dunno what to do. besides i'm not sure whether i have the time for exercise. probably only during the weekends or on tuesdays or wednesdays.

anyway do u really wanna join? i mean the three years i've know you, you're never really keen about exerise. haha, sorry but that's my opinion. maybe i'm wrong. but i wanna join some form of exercise to motivate me to exercise.

anyway i've got nothing much to blog about life is so so so so so standard. ok i complain alot. i whine that's me:(

tiring...full of injury... sick...fun...boring... fun... unforgettable night... great friends i will always cherish.

2006-07-30T00:51:00.000-07:00

today was an eventful day. the title kinda describe how it progressed.

in the morning i had sialing training, MY FIRST TIME ON THE BOAT OUT ALONE! AT SEAS. i didn't capsize. quite an acheivement. i think i kinda suck at it but i'm learning new skills. got sea sick and puke twice out at sea. i kinda expected to puke so i didn't have breakfast except for a glass off milo. anyway sailing is quite an isolated sport i mean like u're on the boat alone with no one to talk to unless someone sails near you or the coach tells us directions and stuff. sometimes there's not much wind so u are like stagnant and the current puches you all over the place so its kinda hard to control.

so after training, i think my performance for a noob wasn;t that bad and i also got two bruises, sore hands and feet and flu with headache.

after training went over to my fren's place to slack for awhile ate two slices of canadian pizza( first portion of solid fod of the day i ate 3 fish balls at the sailing centre though) and watched legally blond 2( which i feel is the best bimbotic show so far) and then slept for around 1.5 hours at her place before making our way down to my friend's BBQ birthday party at tanah merah, some condo. met up with my friends from MI some of wihcih i'm not close too but after tonight we kinda bonded as a gorup. we talked about our lives at school and asked each other whether we know so and so at their schools. we sat in a circle and just chat. it was real comfortable and nice later we all got bored and exchnaged really lame jokes and played lame games but it was all fun. i never thought i would see them again but they're are real sincere and nice friends unlike the ones i have in tpjc.

DEVIN WAS THERE. POLO STRIPPED SHIRT WITH STRAIGHT CUT JEANS AND ASICS SHOES. i used to think he was cute cause he looked good spoke well and stuff. but now i'm pass the early stages of infactuation. he's nice to hang out with, that's all.

there wasn't much food at the party cause most of them were uncooked ( you know how guys plan stuff, so unorganised). i drank soft drinks ate chips and marshmellows. there were liek one or two other ctute guys at the party too. but very fun though but we entertained ourselves:)

after that we a gang of about 11 people went to simpang bedok to have prata. there was yisong, bob, farihin, devin, jozer, duane, jeslyn, yvvone, kim and sebastian. we ate talked somemore and stuff. i think jozer is a nice guy to talk to too. mature and fun. that's what my MI friends are
we do lame stuff too but yea.

after we ate was about 11 plus so we split, form groups and took cabs home. they guys were real nice making sure that the girls got home safely that's why they took cabs too:) i shared a cab with sebastian. too bad devin wasn't going home if not he could share the cab with us cause we live in the same estate, he went to to drink i guess? or something else.

i mean hanging around talking getting to know one another isn't that bad. as we move on in life people drift aprt anad we hardly have time to meet. even though i had a short stay at MI(3 months) but all the fun we had it was unforgettable.

MI rocks. i mean the kinda fun i have with them is different from what i have with you girls. tpjc jsut sucks. it is not a place to make friends.

I MISS THEM.

anyway now i feel so sick, stuffed nose heavy head. i have so much work to complete this weekend. SO much i hope i can complete half by tomoro. starting clearing up all the work i owe and get on with revising my work. i have no life. no one to lean upon and talk to. i dun wanna bother u guys cause u are all so busy too. maybe i can bug my MI freineds cause some of them are in poly so quite free. I HAVE TO BE INDEPENDENT, EMOTIONALLY, MENTALLY AND PHYSICALLY.

i hope my MI friends and I stick together like glue. they're on my list of people to invite for my future wedding (it is quite hard to gain membership onto this list). hahah. hope that we have more chance to meet up in the future.

oh anyway i need to be thoroughly focused on school work which i'm physcoing myself to do. i'm quite stressed by alot of stuff in life. but yeah i need to b focused on life and achieveing my goals. life shall now on revolve around school cca friends and probably working out. but down on day dreaming on how my futture would be like and spend more time in making it come true and nt wasting my time on television programs. i need to start achieveing goals i've set for myself.

random

ASIAN guys aren't that bad:)

i shall not dwell on how much fun i had today if not i will jinx it. serious.

good night to the world:)

don't wanna talk about it

2006-07-27T20:55:00.000-07:00

bio spa went badly. but what's done is done.

anyway emma. i'm probably gonna sign up for amore next saturday cause i'm very busy this weekend.

ah!

2006-07-26T00:47:00.000-07:00

i have a love hate relationship with tpjc. i liked school today:)

anyway i passed the interview for the overseas CIP trip to cambodia. so i dun think i'll be in singapore for the last two weeks of november:(

this is what i should be doing now...

2006-07-25T20:31:00.000-07:00

lets see, i hate science because i hate SPA( science practical assessment). during the trial bio spa 2 weeks ago, i totally screw up during microscopy work. i totally suck at using the microscope. like really bad. AH! now i learn to appreciate how easy chemistry is as compared to bio. so my actual a levels bio spa is this thrusday and the topic is photosynthesis. gotta know all the key words to use, how my answers should be phrased and how i should present data. all done under the watchful eyes of my invigilator,so stressful.

and also another pressing matter, MY GROUP'S GPP. MY GROUP IS FUCKING HOPELESS AND THEY CALL THEMSELVES LEADERS ATTENDING THE LTC CAMP. BULLSHIT. i shall not dwell on this depressing matter.

and i'm at the moment complaining to jocelyn how much life sucks in school. i just wish that school can be a little more stressful, classes can proceed faster and better teachers employed. i mean like what the fuck if some of the students ( in my case a large majority of my class at times) can't understand a concept after upteen times of repition then just move on. if u didn't take pure subjects in sec school and you want to take on the full subject in jc then you have to do ur part by reading up or some shit. stop wasting people's time. i feel that the school should also place regulations on how students are accepted into courses. TP is just TOO liberal. or another solution is to seperate. for example, students who did pure sciences are all in one class and combined sciences in another. i know its a little discrimanting but in TP there is just no system. like WTF. the leaders can just go eat shit. i know this sounds selfish but i do not want to end up rushing next year to to complete the last few chapter due to the incompetence of others.

the school sucks!

anyway to emma, jocelyn, eunice, jeannette and jiaying: work hard for promos:) then we can have a well deserved break during the december holidays. hopefully we won't still be busy then.

sigh

2006-07-22T22:09:00.000-07:00

life is ...

my greatest nemesis is life is the habit of giving up.

stuff to do/ get

2006-07-18T05:44:00.000-07:00

a notebook/ planner to remind me of my daily stuff and start planning my revision
browse through longman biology text and decide whether its worth buying
browse through campbell and sopher biology text and make a copy of relevant sections
get chemistry text from my brother's friend
clear folder slots
study

get a new phone motorola v3i maroon, motorola pebl, sony ericsson w300i
new handphone pouch
leather wallet
new bag(optional)
new pencil case(optional)
white converse shoes with apple green laces( but raihana has this colour combination, how?)
haircut
shoe lace from the base of my unifrom
more bras and panties

x trainers/ tennis shoes
fbt high cut shorts
sign up from gym class

watch the pirates of the carribean, the lakehouse and the fast and the furious 3

cheap feminine kitten heels(optional)
casual dark blue tube top from dorothy perkins( i don't know whether i should get it. its comfortable and gives me a flattering curve but i have fat flabby arms:( )
formal shirt (hope the one at G200 will have futher sale and have the size and colour i want)
thin sweater( those preepy school type, i need to nerdify myself in a fashionable way:) besides prep school male geeks are nice. they're not only smart but have those intellectual specs with nice clean cut hair long sleeves shirt with a vest light brown pants or jeans with causual leather shoes and a nice leather sling bag plus great smeling cologne. HAHA.) GREEK GUY!!
nice top
a pair of darkwashed boot cut jeans
nice shorts
new leather belt(mine's spoiling)
more t shirts
probably wedge heels or flats
a nice simple necklace
nice tan
probably try to find a nice guy( near impossible that i will meet anyone i really fancy)

*aim to dress in comfortable, mature, femine clothes. i think i love classy vintage stuff cause it wil never be out of fashion (save money) and i think vintage is sexy:)
* i think i will only get most of these material stuff after i lose weight. a motivation for me to lose weight faster

get ample sleep cause i've been sleeping way too much in class.
get refreshed.

start thinking about prom:) ahahhaha, which is next year. i've learnt my lesson and i'm gonna get my dress during the great singapore sale next year. cause u know what i paid 139 for my dress last year and during the sale this year it reduced to 40!!!!! OMG, smack my head.

amore power package

2006-07-14T20:00:00.000-07:00

price (excluding gst)
for one month: $47 (i made a mistake previously)
for three months: $106

frequency of gym use and classes
gym use: unlimited but off peak hours (peak hours are after 5pm)
classes: 4 lessons a month (i think) and off peak hours (peak hours from 6-8pm)

registration fee: $36.75

and we can attend classes on the day of the signup.

chinese oral

2006-07-12T17:32:00.000-07:00

it was bad. i was the last person for oral so i waited from 2.15 till 4 for my turn. i slept for 45 miutes though. super shagged. oh anyway quick inform me if u guys wanna join amore k. here's the website
http://www.amorefitness.com/home/index.html
i'm thinking of attedning the one at parkmall. so yeah we can discuss a timeslot and stuff ior i can explian to you. cause if we take the power package, we can attend any 4 lessons. which is good:) i need to exercise. my bathroom scale is tipping towards a larger number everytime i'm stepping on it. so yeah. inform me quick.

i need to exercise and i need company:)

withdrawal symptoms

2006-07-11T07:17:00.001-07:00

back to an uneventful life. i think i'm having worldcup withdrawal symptoms. no worries life would be back to normal. anyway tomoro i'm gonna take my a levels chinese oral. hope i don't stumble and speak like a total idoit. i tend to explain in english when i can't find a word for it in chinese. i mean i don't watch chinese stuff very often. rarely, i should say.

Les Bleus

titleless

2006-07-10T20:51:00.000-07:00

i cannot describe what i'm feeling now. the past week have been really weird. i seem to be in a world of my own, constantly having thoughts running through my head which i have no control over. i'm neither tired nor awake and i've been sleeping alot lesser.

i kinda like not sleeping at night, meaning staying up the whole night then go to school in the morning half dead and not feeling in the mood to communicate with society. get back hom catch an hour of sleep and back to my dreamland.

i'm back to the point where i'm evaluating my current life and how i want my future to be. adjusting the deadlines i have come up with and stuff. i hate thinking about such stuff cause i makes my mind work non stop. once i start thinking i'll dwell into the other possibilities. i mean life is complex a single decision made can change lotsa stuff.

currently i have no passion for life. i go to school and look forward to the end of school after which i either go out alone, with you guys or home.

today i skipped school again cause i had a medical appointment. and i was looking through my phone wanting to message someone to chat with i realised i do not have much people to do so. in the list there were some whihc i felt that the topic i wanted to discuss they do not know anything about it or they'r friends which i have simply bothered too much. now i feel its best being alone. whenever i'm alone i'll think. there's seldom a situation whereby my mind is empty. kinda rare.

MY MID TEEN LIFE CRISIS
i know everybody exprerience this phase and handles it in their own way. somehow i have this voice in my head telling me to make up my mind with the life i want and get to work on it cause time is running out and i feel i'm a person who is afraid of massive failure. i dun wanna screw my life up neither do i want to lead an avearge life.

sometimes i do have my shallow moments where i fantasize on how life would be like if i got together with someone european, rich and famous. hahah like my recent soccer craze, i finally understand why guys watch soccer. its a great game and dun remind me about france's defeat pure heartbreak.

i wanna exprerience the whole culture. somehow i'm not very interested in the asian lifestyle. jean said something like i've been watching too many caucasian movies. i think that could be the cause also.

i want to see how my future would turn out to be like. i want to have my own life. one i created and achieve with my own efforts. i mean everyone is bound to have a moment when you achieve the goal you set for yourself and the joy of accomplishment and pride. i want to experience that. i mean its like when soccer players score a goal i mean that kinda joy. i want that. i know i can only get that feeling when i do make my life turn out the way i want.

maybe i'm so troubled about stuff cause i'm lonely. i've got a great friends but in tpjc, its damn boring. i'm apprehensive about making friends, i'm too lazy to make friends. i do not have the drive to get to know someone. i think i'm relatively done with having crushes on guys i have in my daily life. once i get to know them they're kinda plain or they're just not the one. i think i'll only date someone i can see myself spending a long time with, if not then why get together when the relationship is just waiting for a breakup.

there are so many aspects of my life i want answers to. like where do i go when i die. is there a portal where i can see my future. how much longer am i gonna live. who am i gonna marry or spend the rest of my life with. if only i have more time. that kinda thing.

i like to be alone. i mean its good that i dun get so emotionally attached to someone cause everyone dies. i can endure physical but i hate emotional pain. i hate that heart wrenching feeling. its like someone is throwing all my inerds into a blender and mixing all of it up. it sucks.

anyway i know this sounds cheesy but i think i'l want to be in love. how do one know when he/ she is in love. is there like a guidebook or something? or like what movies always say like he can make my heart beat faster and slower at the same time. is that even possible. or is it when u cannot imagine life with him.

oh anyway any of you gals wanna join amore with me. i haven't really check out the whole student package deal but the cheapest one is about $27 for four lessons. only cardio workouts but you can't use the gym( if the outlet has a gym) and shower. then there's the $42 power package for four lessons where by ou can join attend any class pilates, yoga, cardio dancing and use the gym, steam bath. then there's the $110 unlimited package where u can attend unlimited number of lessons and use all their facilities.

i need to work out. part of my plan for my future. to look attractive:) hahaha and of course be healthy. i've been giving in to my temptations for food and i have no physical exercise. i have officailly gained 2 kg. AH!

oh anyway is it possible to have everything? good looks, intelligence, wealth, fame (optional) and a great life.

i think i'm inspired and motivated my watching sports. no wonder guys are much more competitive and driven when they want to.

i have been writing very long enteries lately.

hmm... i hate life crisis. i cannot imagine how bonkers i would go during midlifecrisis. or when i'm supposed to pick name for my kid.

should i be a
race car driver
nutritionist cum personal trainer
restaurantnuer
career women working at a busling business district
vineyard owner

these are the stuff which i dun mind doing at the moment if given a choice.

i still can't make up my mind on which country i would wanna migrate to and the type of guy i wnat i mean in terms of character i need to pick out a few which i feel is important. the race i'm kinda settled. these two points are what gives me quite a huge headache. i mean i sound like some control freak who wants to plan every single thing but i think planning gives me some kind of schedule or aim in life. i don't think i'm a lucky bitch who would be given a high opportunity ever. i know i have to work for it. somehoe i dun think a higher being would ever want to give a slacker and underachiever like me anything chance.

oh i finally figured how to change the time. the taskbar for the time and date was hiden.

reflection

2006-07-06T04:45:00.000-07:00

today i felt the morning is perfect. i was feeling so phyche for no reason probably its due to the adrenaline rush. it was raining heavily on the bus on my way to school. the weather complimented my mood. i was felt so nice i just had thing happy feeling. i kept smiling the whole day.

oh when i got to school at around 9.20 , i was told that my bio teacher isn't here, so i had break till 12.10!!! so why did i bother to go to school for?

so basically my whole class zao school we went out for mass outing at tampines mall mac, after that i left with 5 other guys to go play pool as we had like an hour more to spare. hahah, i kick ass at pool:) or do the guys suck.

anyway i got back both my science papers, i got subpasses( fail) for both.

hope i do better for math though. dun wanna suck at that too.

i LOVED today i felt so happy, the whole day just felt different, i wasn't part of my usual routine. the day was quite spontaneous going wherever during school hours:)

or was it because i had hormonal rush and coffee. or am i just crazy? maybe i was so glad to have a break from my normal lifestyle which btw totally sucks.

it rained the whole morning so i was walking around in the rain alot.

oh i think i'm gonna cut my hair again soon. snip.

today, i felt like i was in love...

i dunno how being in love feels like but if it is what i felt this morning love is great.

soccer night/ morning

2006-07-05T16:52:00.000-07:00

its 7.49 am and i'm late for school on purpose.

i am finally watching the worldcup since their broadcasting matches on channel 5.

last night i stayed up to watch the encore of the germany vs italy match at 11pm. followed but the france vs portugol match which btw france won:)

so anyway i stayed up the whole night and i seriously didn;t know what kept me awake.. one thing's for sure i stayed away form my bed. since i share a room with my sister and she doesn;t watch soccer, the whole night i was on the labtop trying to do my gp compo and research but i think my brain is conditioned to function very slowly at night cause i'm not done with it. anyway, the whole night i was doing my work in the dark, chatting a little with my friends and wathcing the match on tv which is to my right.

the france vs portugol match wasn't as exciting as the germany vs italy one. anyway i shall elaborate when i get back from school.

so anyway the match ended at 5am and i initially decided to go to school on time. after i took a shower, i was feeling quite energetic but i knew that the energy wouldn't last me besides my head felt heavy. so i went to catch a nap from 5.45am supposedly till 7.45 but my brother woke me up at 7am. so yeah now i'm here.

oh anyway i was wondering why it was still so dark at 7 plus in the morning. the sky is super dark outside. i better run soon before it pours.

oh anyway i'll just be skipping morning assembly nothing much really. reaching school just in time for chinese.
gtg
tata.

soccer

2006-07-03T00:53:00.000-07:00

hey. i think i love watching soccer. ok i haven't been catching the world cup matches cause i don't have cable. i've only been watching the highlights on the news. the game is great, so exciting. the men are hot:) HAHA.

zinedine zidane
del piero
kaka
luis figo

andre agassi is also retiring from tennis. aww.
*sigh* looking at the achievements and stardom of these people, i wished i knew what i am brilliant at. i don't think i'll ever find it. at least within this lifetime.

new templete

2006-06-27T06:40:00.000-07:00

ok after 2 years with the previous one. i've decided to change. there were so many to choose from, i've decided to go with this. i'm happy 100% excited about this design but it will do. wanted something upbeat and lively to change the mood of my blog but most were quite girly. way too girly. same this real pink one with strawberry martini. real sweet with kisses and stuff not my kinda thing.

my exams ended today so EMMA, EUNICE, JIAYING AND JEAN be jealous. haha. the papers were fine nnot extremely hard or anything. its do-able if you have studied which i only did in the last week of holidays. i shall put my short term memory to the test.

anyway, i feel that i'm not a motivated person. i keep setting myself deadlines but only to push it back. and when i do fail at something i promised myself to achieve, i provide myself with lame reasons.
for example, i told myself to lose weight in sec 2, didn't accomplish that till end of sec 4. i didn't even realised i loss weight. but then again its not enough i want to be slim and toned. i wanna be fit and healthy. sick of being the fat one. i mean the comments i got when i was younger is really hurtful, it was alomst like verbal abuse. i use to brush it off and not bother but after a while comments like fatty, fat pig and all the other crap is really hard to swallow.

but anyway all has passed.

so today after the paper i wanted to go straight home but realised there's nothing for me to do. plus i didn't want to look like a loser. so i found a group going out and went along. went to gelare for waffle ice cream lunch:) yum yum. anyway, at the cafe my classmates were kinda insulting this girl from tp. she was my primary school classmate she has really changed alot. i mean physically she has tripled in size, she has becomed nerdier and its quite hard to communicate. she's like the loser loner in school. but if she does talk she cahts alot. i mean she's in my chinese class and i sit beside her so naturally we talked. she'll talk i listen i'm ok with that. she told me she's been through alot like depression and medication during sec sch. back to the point there's forum on my school webpages where you can dicuss, debate of just chat with ur friends. i mean she does ask me to participate and sometimes she pass me weird papers like help africa stuff like that. i'm not saying africa is not worth helping but she actually prints out fliers stuff. my friends were like syaing how freakish and loserish she is erm answering her own posts on the school website, coming up with stupid discussion topics and also signing off with her weird msn nick thousand arms. she's also the kind of girl with the nerd hair long skirt baggy top and loads of bags and books.

i do insult people behind their backs sometimes but it doesn't feel good to listen to people insulting your friend.

oh some of my classmates dislike my GP tecaher too. saying all kids of stuff about her, disruopting her class. its fun for awhile but i get quite irritated. i mean i'm the GP rep can't change much. she's ok, i mean she treats me well in class cause i'm polite to her. the only thing i cannot stand about her is her act cute voice. everybody has their bad points i mean if she's born with a voice like that i can't judge her. yeah i was saying disrupting the class, if you hate the teacher then just miss her class. disrupting the class doesn't do us any good( i'm more concerned about my studies after i screwed up O levels). i've changed i'm more guai but i do go back to old habits of skipping classes and dozing off during them.

but yeah i'm trying to make something better out of my life. trying to do my best. at least at the end of the day whatever i've achieved i will be satisfied cause it was my best.

night, press on study hard do not fall into the allure of the com tv and bed:)

i am dumb

2006-06-24T02:32:00.000-07:00

i am dumb. like mentally inept. my iq is bloody low. i did think iq test online i got only 118. shit! a few years back i did another iq test i also managed the same score. wtf i should just go kill myself why aren't i smarter. spenser scored 124 and ming kiat 129. i'm stupid. i am in capable of better jobs like being a doctor, lawyer, banker, financial analyst none of those for me. i shall go for a 9-5, 2k a month, sucky job.

that explains for me having average academic scores, being in a below average school. i am dumb.

replies

2006-06-21T22:50:00.000-07:00

to kath: yeah i've watched honey but not take the lead. no time. not a good excuse but yeah no time.

anyway when i mean the perfect guy i dun mean he's like the ideal, 100% flawless dude. its just someone whom you think is perfect for you. he/ she may or may not be like by someone else, that kind of perfect. its like prefectness is in the eyes of its beholder, something like that.

anyway i would wanna hate the person who invent heels. its so irritating. heels makes legs look longer, sexier and feminine. but then again it hurts like crap. its worst than bondage or corset. my toes have blisters now. OUCH. the balls of my feet are sore. no beauty comes without the pain. i wonder is there's any male wear that will make then look good but it will hurt to wear them. right now i can't think of any. so unfair. somehow i think women have a higher threshold for pain. i mean like heels, corset, waxing, piercings, childbirth all hurt. guys only have to act like it doesn't hurt cause its manly to do so.

there's nothing else to write for now. bye:)

bloody inspirational ( so you think u can dance)

2006-06-12T06:16:00.000-07:00

i'm so pumped up!!! after watching the finale of the show 'so you think you can dance' it is so bloody great bloody inspirational.

i mean the dances are all so nice. i mean i takes hardwork and talent. i wish i had both. but yeah. i realised i'm turning 17 soon but yet i'm not good at anything. i mean i've not learnd any skill. like take classes and stuff. when i was younger i didn;t go for like art, dance or sports classes except for swimming.

but the show was bloody nice the dances OMG i wish i could do thoose. now i just wanna dance!

so pumped!!!!!!!!!!!

AHHHHHH!!!!

wouldn't it be nice...

2006-06-01T05:08:00.000-07:00

wouldn't it be nice... to be loved.

hmm... the other day emma was just telling me she was discussing with jocelyn over the phone why aren't any of us attached? hmm... interesting question.

its not like we're bad. in fact, i feel all of us are great. we all have unique characters, we stand out in our own way, we're not detested. we're just not the typical girls. we're the high end market:) hahah. that's why it takes a longer time to find wealthy 'buyer'. i'm not treating us like goods or anything cause that would be cheap. its an analogy. wealthy meaning the guy/ girl (i don't know if any of u all swing both ways but then again i think we're all straight.) who eventually gets us for the lifetime is who we dreamt/ hoped/ pictured/ want to be. the person be rich in character( for me being rich financially is a plus;)

i just can't wait for this guy to come walking into my life, sweep me off my feet and start my own life and family. sometimes i do think about how it would feel to have flings and date around. it SOUNDS fun but then again i thought of the other which is loving only one guy and having fun learning and experiencing things with one another. grow old, live, travel and do all kinds of other stuff together.

the upside of having flings i feel is no strings attached. you get to satisfy sudden physical urges, experience which kind of guy best suits you in reality and not what you think suits you. for me what i think suits me is a well-to-do, relatively cute by my standards, intelligent, hot, manly, with a career caucasian man. yes, i still like caucasians. i dunno why. i think there's no responsibilty to short flings. its quite a nice why to relax, get to know people hang around. besides how long more do we have to live? we're turning 17. lets say we live till 80 we have 63 years more. unless scientist found the way to eternal life like vampires in novels( i wanna be a vampire) . i would wanna be a vampire if only it is portrayed like how it is in the movie underworld, blade and the book the last vampire. imagine having all the time in the world to do everything. i mean everything. visit every inch of this world, and the universe.

i know most of my dreams are materialistic but i'm not rich. i've not exprerience the joy of not having to worry about cash. hmm...

i still hope my caucasian will come by someday. i'm not a sarong party girl. i'm just traoubled by which path to take.

about that i recently realised how much i have aged. i mean now when we do stuff the impact of consequences are larger, we feel the pain. i can no longer act like a kid( which i don't to start with) and the stuff we learn at school are harder and they are of more relevance to our future path. seriously i do not know what i truly want to do . i believe evryone i mena everysingle being is good at something like talentedor genius. people like andy roddick are damn lucky to find their niche area and earning bucks and doing what they love and is good at for a living. i mean a road sweeper can be a damn good skier? maybe i an excellent knitter something? like their are so many stuff to do and weird occupations out there, you'll never know whta u're good at. back to the point, i need to start thinking what i really wanna do. i dun thnk i can do something i like. i'm still not sure whether i like the food industry anot. i mean i LOVE to watch cooking shows i can just sit in fornt of the TV and stone. i also like home decor and fashion. but isn't it common for girls to like them? i torn between finding a job that earns me big bucks or something i love?

i dunno actaully. maybe it was good that i was illiterate, went back to the basics and get married at 15 and be a baby making machine and home maker caring for the household. life would be so trouble-free. i mean life would be so simple.

i have no goals in life. i have dreams but no goals. i feel this way is it because i do have have faith in any religion. i mean sometimes i do believe there is god and pray for a miracle( i dunno how i pray without having a specific religion). i'm in the mist of reading this book called the case of christ by lee strotel, a book my christian friend lent it to me. the books says that jesus is like a medium to communicate to god or somthign near that. not sure. dun blame me if i get it wrong. jesus aid for our sins. but i mean is it fair to allow someone to pay for our sins. i mean i would be great to commit a sin and get away with it but its a little too good to be true. i've read and heard that religion gives one a purpose in life and also some kind of hope for the afterlife. i mean if no one believed in god or any religion then life would be meaningless. there would be chaos. religion is like discipline in some way it helps complete a person spiritually.

*sighs* i don't know. probably i'll find a religion that i believe someday. tehe thought of eventually dying kinda sacres me a little. if lets say the whole god thing is a hoax where do we go then after we die? float around in space? just be another rotting body underground and your soul just vanishes?

these issues keeps bugging me. my life , future. i need a break from my life and try something else. maybe a spa will help:)

sometimse i just wanna give up

2006-05-28T04:37:00.001-07:00

sometimes i just want to give up everything.

i think i'm insecure and paranoid.

i dunno what's wong with me. i seem to get paranoid over little stuff easily. i get irritated easily and i'm intolerant of certain crap.

i am so stressed over my future. like damn stressed. i wished i was born genius.

and i technically have lesser clothes cause some i can't wear anymore. i need to lose more weight!! not really weight but tummy. that dreaded part of my body.

anyway thanks to my sister my ankle is slightly swollen. she closed the car door on my ankle.

sometimes i just hate naggings from my family. like my aunts and stuff. sometimes when they ask me how's school then i say boring i hate some of the stuff i learn. then they'll go on about how hard it is to work and earn money. then they say what i should work hard for a scholarship if i wanna go overseas. BUT THEY JUST PISS ME OFF. scholarship does not only require hardwork but also brains which i dun think i have much off.

anyway is it very obvious when i'm unhappy or pissed. do i have that look? everyone says i do. which i quite irritating at times. sometimes i'm just thinkig about stuff and i dun feel liek smiling cannot is it. if i keep smiling u guys will never know whether my smile is genuine right. i hate giving fake smiles. so taxing on my facial muscles.

my cousin just got back from her one mocth uni thing in the US she got me a pair of levis jeans. it cost me 35 dollars. so cheap:) i love the thin soft material colour and the slouch cutting:) but its a size too big however my brother says its ok but u know if i jerk abit here and there it falls off! she was telling me if its too big she'll sell it off. but i love it:( as in the levis jeans is singapore is so thick and uncomfortable. should i keep it? but it will be a waste of money if i intend to lose weight right? stressed. ( this is what i mean about me getting paranoid easily) the levis is junior jeans so the colour of the jeans is blackish blue with a tinge or purple. there are like 3 colour thread red blue and yellow. so fun:D

sometimes i just hate my life and cry. i hate it in so many ways.

i will never achieve the goals i've set for myself. no strength, motivation and abiliy to do so. i doubt myself.

dropping by

2006-05-06T07:38:00.000-07:00

just dropping by... i don't love my class that much anymore... i realised its very hard to make real true friends. so i've decided to stick with what i have the girls and my MI friends. i think i can survive.
anyway the exams are coming, in 19 days. after that i have my promotional exams in september. MADNESS. i need to be hardworking for the sake of my future, scholarship, good life, sports car, nice apartment. I MUST! my aim is to get a minimum of C for all subjects. probably a B for econs i hope. My all A dream seems quite hard to achieve. i realise the only relief i get from my hectic life is hanging out with the girls. so nice. actually my life is quite slack. i dun really get myself involved in much school actaivities. anywya school activities aren't my kind of fun anyway. I MUST STUDY!!! argh... ALL As. the pressure is making me made. i'm blading, aging.

thrash talking

2006-04-25T04:00:00.000-07:00

anyway you know the date at the end of every entry? it is not true. i don't blog so early in the morning.

Anyway, i think my class is very mature, at least most of them are,. Well, we decided to thrash everythign out in fornt of everybody. we kinda stayed back after school to like voice out what we don't like about one another. Cause its like the behaviour of certain individuals in my class is gettong on the nerves of some, temper flare at times. So to prevent the situation from worsening and for class bonding, my friends and I decided to have a session where people give constructive critism. it went on for about 2 hours which i felt was kinda long.

some of the feedbacks i got were:
i'm alittle too authorative. my friends don't balme me cause they know its quite hard to capture the attention of my classmates.
i should smile more cause my smile is nice:)
i have a kinda of laughter that is nice to laugh to.(?)
i have a nice voice. sexy, husky:)
i am open minded and not shy
i talk about topics openly and maturely
some of my dirty jokes made some of the girls uncomfortable
i am whiny
this guy said he doesn't know whether i'm a guy or girl.
and i think the usual, i'm nice:) ( well like duh, no one will rebut this fact)

well i guess the class seems to like me? which is good:)

i hope that i will love my time in tpjc. till then i can;t wait for donna and kath to get back, go towning with emma, joce and jean. haven't seen eunice in a long while. maybe towning is not as fun as emma's house.

these are the things we do at emma's place
eat
study!
go friendster looking to look for guys, arguing which is the hottest
go girly in her room
magazone reading
ME TRYING THE ACJC UNIFROM! I LOVE IT. I LOOK 50% BETTER AND HOTTER IN IT.
must stay over during the holidays.

anyway i realised that none of you guys have been over at my place before.
cause its faraway, there's nothing to do, and my think my house is messy. like unpacked mess. i think its only my room tat is like that.

hmmm.... nothing really eventful in my lfe execpt for 11th may chinese ochestra show at vjc. 15th may tpjc seas sports carnival heats. HAHAHHA. i'm doing 4 events, just for the fun of it.
dragon boating
girls doubles
mixed doubles
mindragon boat
SO FUN!!!!!!!!!
class bonding!!!!!

I MISS YOU ALL!!! *hiaz* i feel so alone. if only we were in the same school.

anyway, recently i entertained this thought. what is emma and jean both got into acjc. omg. honestly, i'll be so jealous. serious. i tink i should have like appealed into acjc thru dram or something. hahah. maybe i'll shall get the role as the tree. as the saying goes, everyone has a part to play. HAHAH.

signing off, gtg bathe and study for atomic structure test tomoro. I HATE CHEMISTRY.

scrEwEd-Up lArdbAll

ah!!!

my motivation

my hopes and dreams

lalal

i'm weird

i'm a drama addict!!!

random

dilemma

life style of the rich

hey guys

tired

a tribute to a bad haircut

eunice's present.

my life...

I'M FUCKING BORED!

ah!

FAT!

he's still here:)

chinese

questions

i hate the way i' feeling abut life right now.

much better

shit

feeling really fucked up, emotions rushing to my eyes and liquidfy

revived

today

school so far...

if i weren't me.

a day to eye candy...

love stories...*day dreams*

my all time favourite holiday movie...

girlfirends!

hey people

vivo city

reminiscing

what's up

news junkie

another smack in the face

its so stucked in my head.

what if...

music

measelled camel

brain dead

back

... sun glasses...

why i drink?

missing dearly

HEY PEOPLE I'M BACK

my sentiments about the trip discussed with my guy friend on the trip

i miss

leaving...

sunday

OCing

feeling much better

part 1:OMG... FUCK! part2: it was nice

belated birhday celebration with the girls:D

my birthday

AH!!!

its one of those moments... when you get hooked on a book

what's wrong!!!!!

update

eurotrip

i don't know how to describe my life now

ulcers

the signs of aging

i hate the way i look.

its it just me...

i forsee my future

new items in my life

new items in my life

new car

not joining

not joining

confronting the interior

dying

fusion fsahion gpp

rattling about life

hello

tiring...full of injury... sick...fun...boring... fun... unforgettable night... great friends i will always cherish.

love stories...day dreams