smile like you mean it

samantha 17 still defining myself

Wednesday, February 16, 2005

160205

hey... my tagboard hass been kinda quiet these days......

have been hanging out with my buddies the past few days.... just having lunch sitting around and just chat... doing our usual crap and stuff... buying each other presents... trying to act like we aren't buying it.... hey for u guys out there.... never use the same tactic twice?

k so yeah i think i'lll hit the sack quite soon.... just feeling kind worn out

9:41 PM

Sunday, February 13, 2005

ah!

i feel the pressure building up in my head....
it's going to go ka boom! any moment.

i have this fear deep down inside... fear that i'll screw up the O levels which will then further screw up my entire life! then i'll end up being a screwed up person!!!!

i wasn't this stressed when i took my PSLE, maybe i was because i was younger and immature to know the consequences if i screwed it up.
so now i'm a young women and i know the cold world out there.... i'm freaking out!!!!! i'm not exactly the hard working motivated smart person that cedar is so full of! i'm like the total opposite! i don't know whether i have broken down... my inside is screaming...it's feburary now .... 4 monthsto the chinese O levels which i will flunk cause my chinese sucks? 3 months to mid-years, 7 months to prelims, 8-9 months to the O levels...
why is life so full of tests and obstacles????why? wouldn't it be great if everything was simple? why do grades matter so much? they're not everything. right? u could be smart and lonely. unsmart and happy.
i think i'm a unsmart and lonely person which is one of the worst feelings you can ever get.
i'm not the smart pretty well-liked popular girl. i'm this nobody that only my friends know.... that maybe a good thing... low profile... but have u ever wondered what it would fee like the perfect person?

i'm super stressed!!!! i can't handle stress! i'll start swearing and unwanted words will pop out of my mouth.

due to a test on tuesday, the v day's lunch will be on wed...haiz there goes the v day atmosphere

i have mood swings... it scares me too... i can be happy one day and real real down the next.....

i super sad:(

11:02 AM

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